The Superbowl and Vegas is always a good call in spite of the fact that the majority of bets probably aren’t. Perhaps the worst bet in Vegas is that you can find a casino or sports book to watch the game at.You’d have a better chance at getting into Pure, then finding a seat without a reserved sign. I venture to guess you have to be a baby whale or a degenerate horse racing gambler to have the privilege of wearing a “V.I.P.” that provides your bottom with a valuable few inches of real estate.
What this means, is that the mere mortal and casual gambler like yourself has limited options for watching the game. Many people go to Caesars Palace to stand around, literally .... all game. The worst part is this is not a bad idea. There is not much you can do unless you know a guy who knows a guy, or you are a guy who spends a ton of money. With official casino parties going the way of the cd and the dodo bird, people resort to watching the game in casino eateries, not bars, but the cafe in the middle of the casino that sell the overpriced water. Certainly this is not the way you were meant to sweat out the bet you made on the coin toss. You have to end up sending one guy on a beer quest and hoping he comes back before the quarter is over. Hillary probably had an easier route up Everest than a guy with three beers trying to get through a crowd like the one you’ll find at most casino sports books on Super Sunday.
So what is one to do? The answer surprisingly, is to go to the strip club. I say surprisingly because while we all make a trek to watch the ladies at night ... showing up on Super Sunday seldom is an idea most people contemplate. I think we can all agree that there is a fine line between the casual visitor to a strip club and to someone heading over there in broad daylight in the middle of the day. However the strip club, Sapphires for example, is a great place to watch the game.
Purists will argue that they aren’t set up to host Superbowl parties, however what is more pure than women, football, alcohol, cigarettes and a free buffet? Its quite frankly the pinnacle of man-dom. In one afternoon you get to indulge in pretty much every vice in Vegas ... at the same time! Its as close as one gets to channeling the Romans at the coliseum. Granted, strippers are distracting but at Sapphires at least they respect the game. There are not a ton of strippers working, just a few walking the floor who are willing to give you a dance during the commercials, or for a price, watch the entire game with you at your table and giving lap dances during timeouts.
The real action however is at half time when the flood gates open up and strippers stream out, offering up $1.00 lap dances! That’s right, a dollar! Now of course this buys you about a half minute but the selection is great and you could tag and release more than you fair share of strippers back into the wild. The staff comes by with stacks of dollar bills to make getting a stripper’s attention that much easier. Then the game starts up and you are sufficiently enthused for the season’s last half of football. You can buy buckets of beers and the drinks are lowered from the astronomical normal prices of a strip club (where apparently alcohol is worth twice what its worth in the rest of the world) to a modest $8.00 for a few select liquors who sponsor the day’s events.
If that is not enough to tempt you, well you are a stronger man than I, or maybe you shouldn’t be reading this blog. However, lets also remember that you get to sit down. Buying a $25.00 ticket gets you in, a little more gets you a table and when you break it down by a few guys, its not only affordable, but its down right criminal to celebrate the biggest day in football any other way. Every guy should do this at least once. You couldn’t get me to watch the game elsewhere and that's including being at the game itself (well unless the Raiders make it back!).
Next week, Vegas priority, priority 1: checking into the hotel and the strange things that happen when you don’t. Stay tuned
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