Vegas 101 - With The Ric

Its 3:00 a.m., you are dehydrated, intoxicated and bleary eyed in a Vegas casino, what is the smart play? The answer? Go to bed before something bad happens; i.e. you give back 500 at the roulette table at the Hooters Casino or someone hurls on you after laughing too hard (both happened to me). What if you had no bed? What if you never checked into your room? What if the two guys you traveled with were two super serious poker players who sat at a table and didn't move like they were guards at Buckingham palace?

Vegas priority #1 isnt deciding what to do first, eat or drink? (eat) liquor or beer?(liquor, no one should walk around bloated) or what shirt you're wearing tonight? (you're on your own) The first priority should be checking into the hotel room. It sounds obvious, but take it from someone who knows otherwise. Depending on what time you arrive, you may not be able to check in for a few hours. It can happen easier than you think. You go out to kill a couple of hours, cruise down the strip, your buddy with the room reservation gets on a hot streak at whatever he's playing (hopefully not cards) he stays there, you come back, he gets drunk, next thing you know its late afternoon and you're betting on the 7th race at some track in New Jersey just to kill time. All you need are a couple of things to go wrong and you could end up waiting around for hours.

Whats the worst that can happen? Your friend plays ALL night, never checks in and you end up getting kicked out of a couple of casino bars for dozing off. They kick you out of the sports book at the Bellagio, you stagger into a bathroom stall and try to sleep with a toilet pipe jabbed into the back of your rib cage. You come out of a stall and see one old man with no shoe. You ask this old man where his shoe is and he tells you "my son made me leave it at the table, so he knows i'll come back." You follow the old man and sure enough his son has his shoe. Then you stumble deliriously to the roulette table where you see the drunkest kid you've ever seen drop a black chip on 10 and watch it hit for $3,500! You then stand, jaw dropping open with the only other people at the table at 3:00 a.m., the pit boss and the table operator and shake your head. You lose the ability to remember anything for a few hours and the next thing you know you are in a car listening to a couple of guys apologize for having a great time while you got a glimpse of what being homeless in Las Vegas might be like.

Your trip went from a good time to a twitching, yawning, blinking triathlon that destroyed you for a few days. Vegas left a bad taste in your mouth for all the wrong reasons and all because you never checked into your room. Fundamentals Gentlemen, fundamentals.

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