The “Who Gives a Scheiße” Bowl!

The 2010 NFL Pro Bowl is upon us! I’m sure you all have big plans tonight that revolve around this All-Star of All-Star games. What’s that? You’d rather watch three straight hours of C-SPAN or the Grammies? I don’t blame you; the Pro Bowl is a joke.

This year the NFL is trying something new by having the Pro Bowl the week before the Super Bowl in the same city as the big game. In my opinion, all this move does is make the game even more irrelevant by preventing some of the best players from both conferences from playing as they have more important things to worry about, like winning the SUPER BOWL.

So as you can guess I probably won’t be tuning in for the game tonight. Now the big question is how does the Pro Bowl rank with the other major sport All-Star games every year?

Here is how I see it from best to worst as far as All-Star games go:

Khloe Kardashian - Hot or Not?

Have you ever seen the Seinfeld episode where Jerry dates the two-face? Depending on the time of day and location, his girlfriend either looks amazing or down right scary. We here at Rhino Nights have the same feeling about this week's Hot or Not contestant, Khloe Kardashian. I sometimes feel bad for young Khloe, because she is an attractive gal, but she pales in comparison to her two sexy sisters. (Are you kidding me!)

I think you can rate famous people's attractiveness two ways:
1. Are they celebrity hot?
2. If they walked into a room, would most people turn there heads and say, wow?

I think with Khloe we have a classic case of number 2. She isn't going to wow anyone on the big screen, but if she walked into the club... you would want to hit that. So with that said... well done Candyman, enjoy your bride! Let us know what you think by posting Hot or Not in the comments.

DoubleDown's Blackjack Tip - 2nd Edition

Happy Friday my fellow degenerates! It's time for another edition of my blackjack tips. If you are headed to Las Vegas this weekend, take a quick peek below ... it might help you win some scratch, but if you happen to lose... don't blame me, the dealer was probably cheating! Click here for last week's tip.

Stay away from Auto Shufflers - The auto shuffler is the blackjack player's worst enemy. We are almost convinced that they are tiny computers that can calculate the cards and number of people playing to ensure that the house kicks ass. I doubt the gaming commission would allow that to actually happen, however auto shufflers do not allow you to have any idea of the direction of the deck being played. Stick to single and double deck games and if you play a six deck shoe, make sure they are being hand shuffled by the dealer.

Seinfeld Time!

TIMMY: What are you doing?

GEORGE: What?

TIMMY: Did...did you just double-dip that chip?

GEORGE: Excuse me?

TIMMY: You double-dipped the chip!

GEORGE: "Double-dipped"? What are you talking about?

TIMMY: You dipped the chip. You took a bite. And you dipped again.

GEORGE: So...?

TIMMY: That's like putting your whole mouth right in the dip! From now on, when you take a chip - just take one dip and end it!

George, in "The Implant"

Sneaky Vegas - The $20 Hotel Suite Trick

One of the best deals you can pull in Las Vegas is the $20 trick while checking into your hotel. It's a very simple procedure... if you aren't afraid of hearing the word "no". Here is how it works....

Las Vegas hotels are huge! Some having more than 5,000 rooms. With that said, a lot of times the "suites" at these hotels are often empty and ripe for the taking. These upgrades and sometimes lavish (depending which hotel you book) suites could be yours for a small "donation" to the clerk working the counter upon arrival.

Once the check-in process begins, slide an Andrew Jackson onto the counter and ask nicely..."Any chance I can get a suite?" The clerk will often check the computer to see what is available. Usually, if there is an upgrade vacant, they will allow it. If by chance a suite is unavailable during your stay, you may be able to score a room with a better view, or in one of the newer towers. Either way, this trick works frequently and could make your Las Vegas visit even more enjoyable.

Tips for Scoring the Upgrade
1. Do Research - Be Specific - each hotel has different categories and naming systems for their suites. I have had the most success with the $20 trick when I ask for a specific suite. I usually aim high (Corner Suite, Penthouse Suite :) and then get offered a smaller, but still way to damn nice for me, suite.

Mayham's Mixers

Welcome to Mayham’s Mixers - where everyone drinks for free! - OK that was cheesy, but I’m sticking with it.

I’ve often wondered what it would look like if I walked into a large room that contained all of the alcohol I’ve consumed in the form of kegs for beers and bottles for booze. My guess is I would be awe struck, followed by a slight depression, followed by a drink to get me feeling good again. The point is I’ve had a lot of drinks in my life and I would like to share some of my tips, experiences and opinions with you on all things booze related.

So here we go, there is something I want to get off my chest right off the bat…… Bud Light Lime and all other lime infused beers are awful! SHAME ON YOU to the people that support this monstrosity by purchasing these crap beers on a regular basis.

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying beers and limes should live completely separate lives. I’m all for adding a lime wedge to a Pacifico or Corona, in fact, on a hot summer day I think it can be a delicious and refreshing combo. For whatever reason there is a huge difference between adding a fresh lime yourself compared to whatever it is they do to infuse the lime directly to the beer when it’s brewed, the difference being it doesn’t taste like butt when it’s added freshly.

Cheers!

Mayham

Rack of the Week - Diora Baird

Has anyone else freeze framed the scene in Wedding Crashers when all the girls are falling topless onto the bed? Really, I'm the only one?? Well if your remember one of those girls having massive mammories, you are remembering Diora Baird, this week's Rhino Nights rack of the week!

Even though Diora is not yet a household name, she has appeared on the cover of Playboy magazine and starred in a few forgettable horror sequels. (Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning, 30 Days of Night: Dark Days) Lets hope she doesn't become to famous and add a no-nudity clause to her contract :)

And the Winners Are...

You may think the big winners of Championship Sunday were the Colts and Saints. I beg to differ. The real winners are Football fans! (Unless you root for the Jets and Vikings)

Why you ask? Let me explain - Brett Favre will not be in the Super Bowl, sparing all of us from two weeks of relentless media coverage on all things Brett. Even better yet, he won't be in the Super Bowl because the real Brett Favre showed up at the end of regulation in the form of an inexcusable interception. Now that he is out of the picture we can focus on two great teams, one of which has never been to the Super Bowl and the other is led by the best QB in the game today.

So lets enjoy these next two Favre free weeks football fans, because once the big game is over and done with and a new champion is crowned, the inevitable will occur.... Favre retirement coverage!

Amber Rose - Hot or Not?

The Rhino Nights crew want to know what you think about Kanye West's girlfriend Amber Rose. Is she hot or not? Post your answers in the comments section below.

DoubleDown's take: In the words of the great Ron Burgundy, "I don't normally do this, but I felt compelled to tell you something. You have an absolutely breath-taking... heiney. I mean, that thing's good. I wanna be friends with it." My vote is - HOT!

DoubleDown's Blackjack Tip - 1st Edition

Over the next few weeks I will try to educate the public on the best strategies to win consistently (or lose less consistently) at the greatest casino game in the world....blackjack. You might ask yourself, why would I take gambling advice from this dope? Well i'll tell you why good sir, because I was the two time runner-up on the World Blackjack Tour and I once took the Bellagio for $2.3 million. Well, none of that is actually true, however I have logged many many hours at the tables and I can spot stupid play! Enjoy!

Learn Basic Strategy - We have never seen anything more frustrating than sitting at a blackjack table with someone that has no idea how to play the game. If you see some moron splitting 20's or hitting 16's against the dealers 6................LEAVE QUICKLY! Basic strategy is Blackjack 101, it is the basis for what the pros use to stay in the black against the casinos. Most casinos will even help you out by selling basic strategy cards in the gift shop. These cards give the player a hand-by-hand count of what you should in each situation. I usually just leave the table when I see this type of player.... some Rhino Nighters enjoy yelling at them.

AFC Championship GameVegas Line, Colts -7.5

Get the bookie on speed dial because Rhino Nights is ready to tell you the winners of this weekend's NFL championship games. DoubleDown and Mayham will give a few tips that will ease your way to a fruitful weekend at the sportsbook!

DoubleDown: Indy pissed off the nation by "giving up" the last two weeks of the season and not playing for perfection. After watching them embarrass the Ravens, the Colts seem to be playing with a chip on their shoulders to doubt the nay-sayers. The Jets are hot right now and Darrelle Revis is becoming Chuck Norris like with his ability to shut down the NFL's top divas. However, I'm taking Indy and giving the 7.5 points, but for only one reason.... I want to see him dance again!

Mayham: The Jets are the biggest surprise of the postseason with their shocking victory over the Chargers in the divisional round last week. I see their fairytale postseason coming to an end against the Colts in a close contest. Take the Jets and their defense plus the points. They will lose the game but win you money!

NFC Championship Game Vegas Line, Saints -3.5

DoubleDown: Tough pick, but I will have to give the 3.5 points and take the Saints at home. That place is going to be rocking and New Orleans fans (for the love of god, click on that link!) are proving to be the best in the biz. (How soon we forget!) Put $500 on it and enjoy a nice steak dinner on us.

Mayham: This game figures to be a shootout, so the question is who will have the better day, Brees or Favre? Anyone else think Favre is overdue to throw up a bunch of 50/50 balls and get burned a few times? I do. Give the points and take Brees and the Saints at home, they’re marching on in to the Super Bowl!

Seinfeld Time!

"So you feel 'women and children first' in this day and age is somewhat of an antiquated notion." - Jerry"To some degree." - George
"So, basically, it's every man, woman, child and invalid for themselves." - Jerry
"In a manner of speaking." - George
"Well, that's honest." - Jerry
"She should be commending me for treating everyone like equals."
- George
"Well, perhaps when she's released from the burn center she'll see things more clearly." - Jerry

- Jerry and George, in "The Fire"

Fun Fact - Jon Favreau played "Eric the Clown" in "The Fire" episode.

Rack of the Week - Christina Hendricks

Helloooooooooooooo! This buxom beauty hit the hollywood scene hard in 2009, starring in the AMC hit series Mad Men. She also went on to marry this dope in real life (i'm not kidding). However, we won't hold that against the rack.

Welcome to Rhino Nights!

This blog is designed by regular dudes for regular dudes. Stop by each day for tips, news and stories about all the important things in life, like Vegas, gambling, sports, booze and women!