Irina Voronina - Rack of the Week

She's russian, she's hot... do people even read the descriptions for the R.O.W.? I guess we'll see.... dog, monkey, chicken, french fries, bruce bochy, salmonella, frankentstein and a duck. BOOBIES!

Mayham's Mixers - Spring Training Edition - Day 3

What a weekend!  I just got home from a three day Cactus League extravaganza and I'm worn out to say the least. Six hour drives are always fun - Since I'm a bit tired let's get right to it. Today we checked out Scottsdale Stadium, Spring Training home of the San Francisco Giants.  Review is below.

Today's Venue: Scottsdale Stadium

Mayham's Mixers - Spring Training Edition - Day 2

Alright folks, just got back from the Peoria Sports Complex on day two of the annual spring training trip.  Please enjoy my very biased review below.  If you haven't figured it out yet, I'm a big Padres fan and this is their home venue during the Spring.  This place has been like a home away from home for me the last 15 years.  So, on to the review!

Today's Venue: Peoria Sports Complex

Mayham's Mixers - Spring Training Edition - Day 1

Hello people of Rhinonights!  This is Mayham on location at spring training in Arizona. This is the 15th consecutive trip to spring training in the greater Phoenix area that myself and Mayham Sr. (my dad) have made. I thought it would be cool to throw up a post each night of the trip to breakdown the park we visited that day.  I figure the easiest way to break it down is with a simple rating system.  I will rate each park on the following categories: Stadium, Beer, Food, Atmosphere and Overall.  The scale is from 0 to 4 Balls per category.  Let's hope this works!

Today's Venue: Maryvale Baseball Park

CSI: Las Vegas

We need a giant chalk outline drawn up around the whole city of Las Vegas, get some police tape out, wrap it around every sports book and lock the place down. Clark County is wanted for robbery and the University of Kansas is wanted as an accomplice. Not since the last episode of Seinfeld have I been so confused, let down, upset and generally left scratching my head. However after Kansas dropped the biggest egg since Big Bird's mom got her groove on, I'm all those things and more. A quick review of ESPN's "experts" revealed every one of them had Kansas in the final four. We here at RhinoNights refer to the tournament as Upset City for a reason. With the census going on Upset City got a few more inhabitants and is trying to get a bigger slice of the Respect pie.

Had you taken part in my suggestion to down an Irish Car Bomb after every upset, well then Thursday would have found you three sheets to the wind (along with your bracket), as there were six upsets followed by three more Friday. That's before we rolled into Saturday where St. Mary's and Northern Iowa not only crashed the ball but spiked the punch, mooned the crowd and took the prom queen home. The Rhino Nights nation was in Las Vegas but I stayed behind. Much like when the President gives a State of the Union, one member of the Cabinet doesn't go in case an asteroid strikes the Capitol building. It was a good thing too because the fallout from that loss in Vegas would have vaporized my wallet as well as any inclination to be even remotely sober. Drinking to forget probably would have made the most sense.

Jessica Paré - Rack of the Week

"Hot Tub Time Machine" premiers this Friday and we don't know what to make of it. It looks like it could be one of the worst things to come out in a few years or ridiculously hilarious. Either way if you do check it out condisder yourself blessed as you will get to see Rack of the Week winner Jessica Paré on the big screen!

If you do happen to check it out go ahead and leave us a comment and let us know how it is.  We're thinkingit's a rental.

Poll Results - Gambling Wins!

The question was what do you like to do in Vegas - and the answer was a resounding - GAMBLE! So here's to all you degenerate gamblers out there, trust us, we can relate. Coming in second was "chasing skirts" followed by Drinking. That was suprising to us because you usually drink first, then go after the skirts. Coming in dead last was going "clubbing". We agree, generally it's a waste of time and money in Vegas. Why pay 15 bucks a drink when you can drink for free! Thanks for contributing!

Random Hilarity - Cartman Poker Face

Kiss My Madness March!

Madness! March is defined by it. Every Spring the men's college tournament kicks up a flurry of office pools and gambling not seen since you bet on who'd get the drunkest at the company Christmas party. You have as good a chance of remembering what type of cat litter your girlfriend's diabetic cat needs as you do of making some sort of intelligent pick regarding the tournament. The reality is, try as we might to posture that we know who's going to be this years' surprise, we're just as likely to guess what the strange smell in the back of our fridge is, which is to say not likely at all.

In typical man fashion the biggest mistake we make is out thinking ourselves. You don’t know anything more than anyone else. Most of you will join co-ed tournament pick-em pools and end up losing to the secretary who doesn't know the difference between the Butler Bulldogs or the Gonzaga Bulldogs but knows math and figures out that a 14 seed shouldn't beat a 3 seed.

That being said, even writing about the tournament makes me uneasy. It’s four days of getting the chance to be completely wrong and seeing your bracket get x'd out like a high school algebra test. By the time it’s over your sheet looks like you had a nose bleed all over them, which with the way certain people approach bracketology isn't out of the realm of possibility. Some of you vet these teams like they're about to get the V.P. nomination, if only Sarah Palin had been so examined maybe we all would have learned Russia was visible from Alaska that much sooner.

Alice Eve - Rack of the Week

Watching TV this weekend, I stumbled across the trailer for the new movie, She's Out of My League. Only to run directly to my computer to see who the busty female lead of this flick was. Sure enough, its English beauty Alice Eve. She will also star in Sex and the City 2 .... and you know Mayham is excited about that! See you next week, you motorboatin sons of bitches.

Big Butt Thursday

This is awesome/horrible/funny/Just Watch It!

Tosh.0
20 Seconds - Giant Butt Girl
www.comedycentral.com
Web Redemption 2 Girls, 1 Cup Reaction Demi Moore Picture

Corey Haim Dead at 38 - R.I.P

Say what you want about the guy in recent years, but Corey Haim was a stud in the 80's, starring in some of our favorite hit films. The Lost Boys and Lucas are classics. Sad day in Hollywood.

George Clooney's Girlfriend - Rack of the Week

If you tuned into the Oscars Sunday night, you saw this beauty on the arm of the ultimate bachelor and our personal hero, George Clooney. This man does it right, he never makes committments and he still gets the hottest chicks on the planet! Well done sir.

By the way... if interested, her name is Elisabetta Canalis, she's italian, she's a model.

Seinfeld Time!

Rachel: So where is this baby, anyway?

Jerry: Oh, check it out. I guarantee you've never seen anything quite so objectionable. It's down the hall, third door on your left.

(Rachel walks down hall, walks in on George changing out of his swimsuit)
Rachel: (She screams) Oh my God! I'm sorry, I thought this was the baby' room. I'm really sorry. (She exits)
George: I was in the pool! I was in the pool!

George, Jerry and Rachel in "The Hamptons"

Mayham’s Mixers – March on Drinkers!

March is one of the greatest drinking months of the year, some would argue the best (I’m referring to you Goose). Here is a quick breakdown of why plus a preview of what’s to come over the next few weeks.

Reason 1 – This one is obvious, St. Patrick’s Day, one of the greatest drinking days of the year next to New Year’s Eve, July 4th and half St Patrick’s Day! – Quick Side note, Goose, myself and Sherriff Ray happened to walk into an Irish pub a few years ago on a random weekday night and it just happened to be half St. Patrick’s Day, this led to one of the most random, fun and drunken nights ever.

Reason 2 – March Madness! The first weekend of the NCAA tournament is great. You just sit around, watch 1000 games and drink. The cherry on top is doing all this in Vegas. If you haven’t been to Sin City for the first weekend of the NCAA tournament I suggest you try it at once. It’s a gambler/drinker’s dream weekend. If you do stay at home there is a great drinking game you can play to make the first and second rounds even crazier. I’ll have more on that the week of the Big Dance.

Reason 3 – Spring Training – I’ve touched on this one before, if you love baseball then there is nothing like heading to Arizona or Florida to sit back, relax, drink some brew and take in some baseball. I’ll be blogging from Peoria, AZ the weekend of the 26th so be on the lookout for that.

For the reasons stated above and for other reasons I probably forgot to mention - March is one of the top drinking months of the year.

Cheers!

Mayham

Vegas 101 - With The Ric

Its 3:00 a.m., you are dehydrated, intoxicated and bleary eyed in a Vegas casino, what is the smart play? The answer? Go to bed before something bad happens; i.e. you give back 500 at the roulette table at the Hooters Casino or someone hurls on you after laughing too hard (both happened to me). What if you had no bed? What if you never checked into your room? What if the two guys you traveled with were two super serious poker players who sat at a table and didn't move like they were guards at Buckingham palace?

Vegas priority #1 isnt deciding what to do first, eat or drink? (eat) liquor or beer?(liquor, no one should walk around bloated) or what shirt you're wearing tonight? (you're on your own) The first priority should be checking into the hotel room. It sounds obvious, but take it from someone who knows otherwise. Depending on what time you arrive, you may not be able to check in for a few hours. It can happen easier than you think. You go out to kill a couple of hours, cruise down the strip, your buddy with the room reservation gets on a hot streak at whatever he's playing (hopefully not cards) he stays there, you come back, he gets drunk, next thing you know its late afternoon and you're betting on the 7th race at some track in New Jersey just to kill time. All you need are a couple of things to go wrong and you could end up waiting around for hours.

Whats the worst that can happen? Your friend plays ALL night, never checks in and you end up getting kicked out of a couple of casino bars for dozing off. They kick you out of the sports book at the Bellagio, you stagger into a bathroom stall and try to sleep with a toilet pipe jabbed into the back of your rib cage. You come out of a stall and see one old man with no shoe. You ask this old man where his shoe is and he tells you "my son made me leave it at the table, so he knows i'll come back." You follow the old man and sure enough his son has his shoe. Then you stumble deliriously to the roulette table where you see the drunkest kid you've ever seen drop a black chip on 10 and watch it hit for $3,500! You then stand, jaw dropping open with the only other people at the table at 3:00 a.m., the pit boss and the table operator and shake your head. You lose the ability to remember anything for a few hours and the next thing you know you are in a car listening to a couple of guys apologize for having a great time while you got a glimpse of what being homeless in Las Vegas might be like.

Your trip went from a good time to a twitching, yawning, blinking triathlon that destroyed you for a few days. Vegas left a bad taste in your mouth for all the wrong reasons and all because you never checked into your room. Fundamentals Gentlemen, fundamentals.

Click here to view all of our Vegas related posts!

Dominique Piek - Rack of the Week

ROW is going international! You may recognize Dominique Piek from the 2010 SI Swimsuit Edition. In 2007 Dominique appeared on the cover of the South African Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue and this year she made her American debut in the magazine. More importantly for her career though is winning the ROW Award from Rhinonights.com!

Click here to check out more photos of her on SI.com.

Random Hilarity - Newscaster meets Lizard

This is an old clip but it makes us laugh every time.  This dude's man card has officially been revoked.

Cindy Margolis - Straight From the Horn

Without question, this week's Straight from the Horn guest is one of the most recognizable beauties in the world today. Cindy Margolis (the world's most downloaded woman, Playboy cover model, star of Seducing Cindy) has been turning heads for years. We sat down with Cindy and asked her the questions that most guys want to know about someone that is out of our league!

RN: I think the question on most of our reader’s minds is, “How does an average guy approach a woman like Cindy Margolis.” Do we need to be smooth, have the movie star looks, be funny?

Cindy: Good question! The guys on my dating show "Seducing Cindy" varied from the suave and sophisticated to the younger hot hard bodies and “Internet nerds." My men ranged from ages 18 to 71. There was a pro-wrestler, an emotional writer that worked on Wallstreet, a Tupac impersonator, standup comic, celebrity dater, actor, martial artist, chef and super fans!

RN: Ok, so purely hypothetical, if we were to go out on a first date, can I wear shorts and a t-shirt or do I need to hit the dry cleaners and pick up the tux?

Cindy: Neither! A pair of nice jeans and a cool dress shirt always looks sexy!

RN: Let’s say you were born with average looks like the rest of us… If you weren’t a model/celebrity what career path do you think you would have chosen?

Cindy: An Author! I already wrote my own book "Having A Baby ....When The Old-Fashioned Way Isn't Working." My story of my struggle with infertility...tragedy and triumph...to get pregnant with my son and my journey with surrogacy to have my twin girls. I have another book coming out titled "Sexy Forever." It’s a life style, a philosophy book for women who want to be it all-- smart, strong, and of course sexy!

RN: Here at Rhinonights.com, we specialize in the ins and outs of our favorite city… Las Vegas. Since you are known for being the hottest damn poker player ever, tell us… which casinos do you enjoy playing cards in the most?