Rhino Nights

Deborah Ann Woll - Rack of the Week

2011-08-12T14:57:00.000-07:00

If you watch True Blood then you should recognize Deborah Ann Woll as the sultry redheaded vampire with a lot of talent in the rack area. If you read this blog, you now know her as our latest Rack of the Week. Have a great weekend everyone!

Serena Williams - Hot or Not

2011-08-09T15:13:00.000-07:00

Is Serena Williams a strong, bootyful woman or a powerful, buffer then most dudes gal? Let us know in the comments below and let the debate begin. Is she hot or not?

Silvina Luna - Rack of the Week

2011-08-05T10:36:00.000-07:00

The Rhino Nights Crew would like to thank reader "Rancho Bernardo" for letting us know about the Argentine gem that is Silvina Luna. Luna is an Argentine model and actress who most recently has been in the headlines due to a leaked adult tape you may want to check out. Someone should update her wikipedia page to let the world know that she is a model, actress, and as of today, a Rack of the Week winner. Happy Friday!

Juergen Master

2011-08-04T12:58:00.000-07:00

There is a new Sheriff in U.S. Soccer and he's German! Juergen Klinsmann, undoubtedly one of the all-time best strikers in the world, takes on perhaps his biggest challenge as the head coach of the men's national team. He comes into what appears to be a largely win/win situation. If he pulls U.S. Soccer out of this dead spin, he should get a lot of credit. If he cannot, then, if you read between the lines, he's doing the best he can with what he has. In taking near dictatorial control (at least what is commonly expected) Klinsmann is prepared to fight not just a battle to right the direction of this present squad, but also a war to alter the direction of soccer in this country.

Klinsmann has noted that what separates U.S. Soccer from the rest of the world in terms of development is a grass roots street culture for the sport. Europeans play soccer the way Americans play pick up basketball. Soccer, like basketball, is a sport that lends itself to individual creativity. Here in the U.S we have Dwayne Wade while in Europe its Lionel Messi.

Youth soccer here is almost exclusively structured by local leagues and overseen by overzealous parents and politically correct coaches. Individuality and creativity is stifled for the benefit of the hive. God forbid little Timmy be labeled a "ball hog" or a "show off". Soccer is a tool for teaching; a means to a more socially valuable end. We sign up kids to learn the value of teamwork, fair play, and sportsmanship. If they learn how to pass a ball off their head along the way, great. The fact that the sport is soccer seems to be rather irrelevant. If AYSO started Quidditch leagues, how many kids would rather play that?

Everywhere else in the world, soccer is the lesson. You play to be the best player not the best teammate. In Europe and Latin America the best players aren't the fastest or the biggest, they're the ones who can dribble around defenses without any help form their teammates or drill free kicks over the heads of the other eight year olds. Kids that have the "touch". Those kids get spotted and placed into soccer academies run by the pro clubs. Now no one is saying that we have to sacrifice Soccer in this country to the alter of competition. However, for this country to be competitive we have to find our talented players and put them into an environment where that talent is the norm and not the exception.

Can Klinsmann change the nature of this suddenly lifeless team? Absolutely. Can he change the nature of soccer in this country? I guess we'll see.

Phyllis Smith - Hot or Not

2011-08-02T15:49:00.000-07:00

You probably know Phyllis Smith as Phyliss from "The Office", but did you know she was once a pro at something else? Check it out...

Crazy I know. She used to be a professional cheerleader for the St. Louis Cardinals of the NFL (For all you young kids, the Cardinals were once in St. Louis). So you be the judge... Was young pro cheerleader Phyllis Smith hot or not?

Lacey Chabert - Rack of the Week

2011-07-29T08:33:00.000-07:00

You may know Lacey Chabert from Party of Five, Mean Girls, or Not Another Teen Movie. We're not sure what she's done lately, but to give her career a boost we decided to make her this week's Rack winner. I mean she does qualify doesn't she?

Kat Von D - Hot or Not

2011-07-26T11:25:00.000-07:00

Kat Von D and Jesse James recently broke up, shocking we know. I think one of the big issues that may have split them up is Jesse not being sure if his woman was hot or not. So let's help him out, what do you think, is she hot?

Porsche Briggs - Rack of the Week

2011-07-22T09:48:00.000-07:00

Big Brother is our guilty TV pleasure every Summer. Part of the allure is the babeage they cast every year. This year Porsche Briggs is the cast member we enjoy watching lounge around in her bikini the most and in honor of our guilty pleasure we've made her this week's big winner. We hope she survives at least a few more weeks so we can keep enjoying her talents.

Hope Solo - Hot or Not - Special Edition

2011-07-19T10:56:00.000-07:00

First of all, congratulations go out to the Women's National Team for a great and exciting World Cup. The last game was thrilling even though they came up short in the end. Now, on to business, there is no denying that Hope Solo is attractive. The question we pose in this special edition of Hot or Not is this...Is she hotter as a brunette or blondie? YOU DECIDE!

or...

The Politest Eating Contest Ever

2011-07-18T16:04:00.000-07:00

On July 4th several members of the Rhino Nights Crew took part in an eating contest. We each took on 12 crunchy tacos from Taco Bell. Below is documentation of how it went down.

(Pay attention at the 5:40 mark or so for a Black Chip sneeze/spit up)

(At the 2:25 mark you can see Black Chip go Aggro and intimidate Mayham)

Congrats to Carizzle for embarassing all the boys and winning the politest eating contest ever! We hope to compete again in a couple months.

Kate Upton - Rack of the Week

2011-07-15T09:20:00.000-07:00

It was only a matter of time before Kate Upton made her way onto Rhino Nights. An SI and Victoria Secret model, she is more than deserving for the Rhino Nights Rack of the Week award. You stay classy, Planet Earth.

Summer of George Vegas Trip 2011 - Part II

2011-07-14T11:53:00.000-07:00

Here is part II. Tranny's, Dick Butkus and Champ from Anchorman, only in Vegas!

After the open bar ended, we headed to the Paris where the Monorail picks you up. We decided to make a pit stop at the Le Central Lobby Bar and grab some drinks. We got our drinks, turned around, and saw a threesome of drag queens walk in. I told Greg, "we gotta get a pic of this." Within seconds we were talking to the "girls" and my God they were disgusting, but super nice. In our conversation with one of the "girls" she told us she is not interested in men sexually. I found that surprising and totally unbelievable. We got some great pics and headed back to the LVH.

The next evening we headed to Downtown, the Las Vegas Club more specifically, to play Crapless Craps. The game is different than normal craps because you cannot lose on your first roll. Long story short we all came out ahead. We left the casino and went out the Fremont Street Experience which at 2am is fucking sketchy. We bee-lined it back to the LVH and engaged in a regular craps session (with $10 minimums). The LVH was extremely ghetto at that point and packed! It was really fun actually playing craps next to super urban gentleman. It added a different element to the experience. I went back to my room around 5am and called it a night.

The next day we decided to treat ourselves poolside with a cabana. This was my first cabana experience. The cabana was $150 and it had a TV, fridge and some nice outdoor couches. The $150 also included 10 soft drinks (gay). The service was weak which was disappointing due to the fact we were obviously rich, important people if we got a cabana. Later, we went to Caesar's Palace's Forum Shops and saw none other than the great Hall of Famer Dick Butkus signing autographs in a sports memorabilia store. He looked like he wished he wasn't there. Ain't blame him.

Caesar's has a cool outdoor pavilion area in which housed a Bacardi sponsored beverage stand. They served big ass drinks for $9 which I felt was a great deal. A freak lightning storm began and we ran across to the Flamingo were we saw all kinds of people slip and fall (harmlessly of course). It was quite entertaining.

Night came and we headed to Imperial Palace where they had 2 pitchers for $12. It was another great deal. The best part was that the pitchers were plastic so you could walk with them. Gotta remember to go back. As we were walking out we saw none other than the dude that played Champ in Anchorman! What a place for a random celeb sighting (no offense I.P.).

Thus ended a great Vegas trip. I left out some minor details here and there as to not bore you, but you get the picture. To sum it up, Vegas rules, can't wait to go back.

6-8 Party

Click here for Part I!

Summer of George Vegas Trip 2011 - Part I

2011-07-13T12:50:00.000-07:00

Loyal Rhino Nights Readers, I would like to introduce you to the newest member and contributor to the Rhino Nights Crew..... 6-8 Party. Please enjoy his first post recapping his recent Vegas Vacation!

After many days of decompressing, I am ready to reveal the many details of my past Vegas trip. Just to get you up to speed, my wife and I have an 11 year old daughter who goes to visit my wife's side of the family every summer, for 6 weeks. This precious span of days is known as the Summer of George, a la Seinfeld. This year we vowed to make the most of it!

This Vegas tripped was planned as all great Vegas trips are, drunkenly at Lucky Strike Torrance. We got a great deal through our friends Greg and Brie at the Las Vegas Hilton for, wait for it, $139 June 30th - July 4th. This would be my longest trip in Vegas since NYE-Y2K which was a week long.

We arrived via JetBlue which is great since most people's final destination on the plane is Vegas. There is a definite sense of party-time on the Long Beach to Las Vegas route versus the LAX to Las Vegas to Detroit route, for example. Anyway, we checked in to the Las Vegas Hilton which is slightly removed from the Strip but still accessible due to the Monorail (which is awesome except that it closes at 3am on the weekends and 2am during the week….work on it Monorail). The LVH is very open and wide. It is has a 1970's version of a classy feel. The weird part is that if you head in a certain direction it turns into a sci-fi theme where the remnants of the old Star Trek Experience sit. I am glad I had a chance to experience it during its short life span.

Being removed from the Strip we were all expecting $5 minimums but we were disappointed to find only $10 minimums and higher, even on craps! The clientele was $5 minimum types too which added to the confusion. The rooms were nice and biggish. HD TVs and big bathrooms. The pillows were awesome, too.

We landed around 7:15pm so after checking in we decided to high tail it to the PBR Rockbar where on Thursday nights from 10pm - 12am they offer an open bar to people who follow them on Twitter. Needless to say, I quickly followed them while waiting in the 10 person line, in which we were in the front. We were let in, got wristbands, and headed to the bar. At this point, I was waiting for the catch to all this. What's the fine print, we can only order Kir Royales? Nope, no catch. Just beer, wine and well drinks which is more than enough for good times. When I heard about the plan to go to the PBR Rockbar I thought it was going to be ding-dang-dongish but it was really nice and they have a patio right on the Strip.

6-8 Party

Check back tomorrow for Part II, the saga continues! Also, check out all of our Vegas related content by clicking here!

Nicki Minaj - Hot or Not

2011-07-12T12:49:00.000-07:00

Nicki Minaj has burst on to the scene as the latest and greatest chick rapper. Here is a sample of some of her lyrics.

"And I will retire with the crown, Yes!
No I’m not lucky I’m blessed, Yes!
Clap for the heavyweight champ, Me!
But I couldn’t do it all alone, We!"

Oooh, did you see how she rhymed Yes with Yes? Very impressive. So here is the question.

Do you think Minaj is Hot? Maybe!
Do you think Minaj is Not? Maybe!
Comment on what you think of...Her
Give us your word, don't be scuurred!

Those are the first official lyrics of Rhino Nights. You know what to do!

Francoise Boufhal - Rack of the Week

2011-07-08T08:15:00.000-07:00

Francoise Boufhal is 5 feet 4 inches and has a 28H chest. BOOM, she's qualified. She's also an English model, actress and presenter and now a Rack of the Week winner. Happy Weekend All!

JWoww - Hot or Not

2011-07-05T10:49:00.000-07:00

Jenni Farley, better known as JWoww from the "Jersey Shore", hasn't been afraid to show off her skin over several seasons on the show. The question is do you enjoy seeing her assets every episode? Let us know if you deem her hot or not in the comments below! Side note, is everyone else over this show like we are? We get it, they fight a lot and drink and hook up.

Faren Williams - Rack of the Week

2011-07-01T08:14:00.000-07:00

Smut peddlers, that's all we are here at Rhino Nights... but we like boobs so we keep doing it. Enjoy this video ho named Faren Williams, she might be my favorite video ho. I like video ho's and so should you.

Gold Cup Thoughts, The Cup Runneth Dry

2011-06-29T09:24:00.000-07:00

It took me a while to collect my thoughts after attending U.S. vs. Mexico last Saturday at the Rose Bowl. This was mostly because I was dumbfounded by what unfolded on the field. The U.S. defense was as effective as the Maginot line. The four Mexican goals tore not only through American hearts but the belief that the current men's team has what it takes to compete with the best in the World.

The Mexican team was clearly superior on every level. Even when the U.S. was up 2-0, it never felt like the United States had control. It seemed like we had gotten lucky, twice, but that lead made me more nervous than confident. My cousin, the Goose, immediately reminded me of the Brazil-U.S. Final at the 2009 Confederations Cup when the U.S. went up 2-0 and gave up the lead and the title to the surging Brazilians.

Even Tim Howard, usually the strength of the American team, was about as sure handed as a surgeon on a caffeine drip. It was Giovanni Dos Santos who did all the operating in the interior of the American defense. He ultimately finished off the Yanks with a chip shot put into the back of the net after toying with Howard and leaving him on all fours swatting at thin air like a clumsy kitten trying to trap a ball of yarn.

Coach Bradley may not have the talent at his disposal, but given he may not have a job in the near future, it may be someone else's problem. I'd give the job to whoever promised me they wouldn't put Jonathan Bornstein back in the lineup. I've read we're not to place the blame wholly on Bornstein and I agree it is unfair to blame him and him alone. Nonetheless he failed to do his job, period. If you can't handle your part of the pitch then you shouldn't be wearing the jersey. Bornstein has served when asked but at this point it is time to stop asking.

The most surprising part of Saturday was the downright cheery mood the Mexican fans were in. Before the game they took pictures with us, raised a glass with us, even complimented some of the players (Clint, Landon and Tim). It was almost like they were just being nice because they knew they were better. Even down 1-0 they weren't worried. At 2-0 they quieted down but as soon as that first goal for El Tri went in they were back at full volume. Three more goals found the back of the American net and three more times did the Rose Bowl come alive with the roar of the Mexican faithful. Those roars will echo from Pasadena to Panama and serve notice that Mexico is now the team to beat. Some would like to think that this game would have turned out different if it had been played in Seattle or Boston. The only difference would have been that a lot more American fans would have been there to bear witness to the latest rise of Mexican Eagle; which for now holds in its claws the Gold Cup and the title of the best team in the region.

The progress of U.S. soccer has never been a sprint to glory but instead a long, drawn out, often painful, long distance run. We lost our finishing kick against Ghana last summer and are fading fast, a fact that was evidenced by our recent collapse against Spain and the subpar performance against mostly lesser opponents in this Gold Cup. The loss in the final on Saturday was the cramp in the collective leg of American Soccer. Something that was bound to happen when you go too long and push too hard without actually getting anywhere. Right now we're doubled over and asking, where are we headed?

Chelsea Handler - Hot or Not

2011-06-28T09:27:00.000-07:00

None of us here at Rhino Nights consider Chelsea Handler to be funny or entertaining, in fact, when we see her on television we scramble for the remote faster than for one of those sad Sarah Mclachlan animal commercials. However, she does possess a few cougar qualities that could help us through a lonely summer evening. Word on the street is that 50 cent was hitting this on occasion and we want to know if that was a waste of Fiddy's time. So tell us RN Nation... Chelsea Handler, Hot or Not?

Tehmeena Afzal - Rack of the Week

2011-06-24T09:34:00.000-07:00

Lets keep this short and sweet. Tehmeena Afzal is a hot Pakistani model who more than qualifies for the honor of Rack of the Week. Now pick your jaw up off the floor and get back to work.

Happy Weekend.

Rhino Discoveries: Chiquinquira Delgado - Hot Univision Weather Girl

2011-06-23T09:32:00.000-07:00

Thanks to Tom Hanks silliness on a Univision newscast we've discovered a previously unknown hottie at the Rhino Nights offices. We'd like to introduce you all to Chiquinquira Delgado, she would inspire any man to dance and make a fool of himself in her presence.

Stay tuned for a new Rack of the week tomorrow!

Hot or Not - Cameron Diaz 2011

2011-06-21T10:01:00.000-07:00

We will never debate that Cameron Diaz was once a 9 out of 10 on the boner scale, however we have to ask.... in 2011 does she still rank with the other beauties? Starring in the new comedy "Bad Teacher", Diaz still has clout when it comes to being a leading lady in Hollywood, but does she still warrant a book in front of the crotch between 8th grade English and Social Studies? Well there is only one way to find out, by asking the brightest minds on the planet, the Rhino Nights nation. Is Cameron Diaz in 2011 hot or not?

Alison Brie - Rack of the Week

2011-06-17T08:47:00.000-07:00

This week's Rack of the Week comes directly from primetime television on NBC. Since we are officially into summer reruns, we missed seeing the equisite rack of Community's Alison Brie. This young lady's "Talents" have "Burst" onto the scene and she has "Developed" quite a following on the world wide web for her willingness to showcase the boobarellas. We salute you Alison with the internet's highest honor!

And here's a little extra something as a "it's almost the weekend" gift!

Mayham's Mixers - The Evolution of a Drinker

2011-06-16T14:41:00.000-07:00

The first time I ever had multiple adult drinks was in high school at a buddy's house, I was probably 16 at the time. My buddy had super relaxed parents that would buy him and his friends alcohol and really didn't have any rules at all. This probably explains why this buddy of mine never finished high school. Anyways, I remember the drinks were some kind of Blackberry Jack, tasted like grape soda but with booze. I remember drinking about three of these things and having just a great smooth buzz. No blacking out or puking which I would imagine is common place with most people's first time, that would come soon and frequently thereafter for me.

The reason I bring this up is the simple fact that looking back on that day now I realize how far I've come as a social drinker over the last 13 years or so. I think everyone goes through a drinking evolution as they age. Here is a quick breakdown of my personal drinking evolution over the years.

Late High School Years - Anything we could get our hands on. Before you are 21 you are at the mercy of older siblings, friends, and liquor cabinets possessed by forgetful parents. Cheap beer, cheap liquor, malt liquor (Country Club!) puckers, lots of mistakes were made.

Freshman year at College - I remember in the dorms I could drink three Milwaukee's Best and be toasty for the night. Things were much more simple then! The experience here wasn't much different from high school. Cheap beer, lots of rum, I believe tequila started to work its way in, oh and Jagermeister, lots of Jager. It was a huge mix of stuff every time. I wish I could travel back and shout at my former self to try to just stick to one or two forms of alcohol every night, I could have saved myself dozens of trips to the porcelain Gods.

Remaining College Years - Sophomore year I moved off campus and moved forward with my own evolution. By the end of my Sophomore year I was living in a big house with five other dudes. This would be my home for the next several years and the place where I would evolve from a drinking caterpillar to a much more sophisticated drinking caterpillar. It was here where I developed a taste for darker English/Irish beers like Newcastle and Guinness. I settled in on Whiskey as my liquor of choice and learned some but not all of my limits (I will never ever have a straight shot of gin in my life ever again, lesson learned).

By the end of college Crown Royal on the rocks was my drink of choice and while I still had lots of cheap beers, I started to appreciate and experiment with higher end stuff.

Post College - For the most part I settled into whiskey and beer. Crown being the favorite along with Makers Mark, to this day they are still in my rotation. Beer has always been a mix of cheap domestics and fancier imports.

Present time - Though I had a horrible experience with Gin once, my go to drink at the moment is a gin and tonic, preferably Bombay Sapphire or Tanqueray. I also enjoy a good tequila every now and then. Oh and Margaritas in the summer! For beer, I still love to try new things, but when I'm at the grocery store I usually go with Sam Adams or something similar. Most recently I've even started to mess with some wine (Gasp!)

Here is my evolution in simple form:
Blackberry Jack, 40's - Milwaukee's Best , Jagermeister - Coors Light, Jack Daniels - Guiness, Crown Royal - Bombay Sapphire Gin, Sam Adams - ???

It's been a long journey and I still have a long ways to go. My prediction for my future self? I will probably get more and more into wine as I slowly sell my soul, and when I'm 70 I'll be back to 40's, God Willing.

What has your evolution been? Let us know in the comments below!

Cheers!

HAHAHAHAHA! - F**K You Queen James!

2011-06-16T10:45:00.001-07:00

Claire Sinclair - Hot or Not - PMOY of the Year Edition

2011-06-14T10:37:00.000-07:00

Now there is no debating that the 2011 Playmate of the Year Claire Sinclair is a sexy gal. I would literally rip off Mayham's arms to have a shot with her. However, is she Playmate of the Year worthy? Word on the streets is that she dates Hef's oldest son... do we smell corruption at the mansion? So RN Nation....you be the judge.... is she Playmate of the Year material? Let us know in the comment area below.

Lindsey Strutt - Rack of the Week

2011-06-10T13:06:00.000-07:00

I don't know who she is or what she does, but i'm guessing she has something to do with motorboats. If we get 10 comments under this post, we will bring back Rhino Nights to all of its glory!!!

Rhino Nights is on Twitter!

2011-06-09T10:24:00.000-07:00

Hey everyone! Probably a year too late but we finally got around to setting up a twitter account. You can follow us at http://twitter.com/#%21/RhinoNights. Let the tweeting begin!

Have a great Thursday. Here's a rack to get you through the day...

Rhino Reviews: Red Rock Edition!

2011-05-18T10:41:00.000-07:00

So the Red Rock Red Rocked we wrote in our last post. Here is a more expansive explanation on why. As you know the whole crew was in Vegas recently for a wedding. This afforded us the chance to stay somewhere completely off the strip, miles away from our comfort zone.

When we pulled into the hotel the first thing we noticed was how massively huge this place is. We pulled into self parking and then proceeded to walk around for 20 minutes before we were able to locate the lobby.

Once we settled into our standard room we were impressed. Spacious, modern, with an awesome bathroom that included a very deep bathtub and separate shower. We also had a strip view room which was cool at night. You could fit the strip between your thumb and pointer finger as you looked out on it.

So, just to run through the amenities of this place, there are four or five sit down restaurants, a food court with several low budget options (rubios, a sandwich place, sbarro knockoff, etc..), a movie theater, bowling alley, arcade, fancy night club, casino bars, several pools and a huge casino floor.

The table area of the casino is one giant circle that loops around a few bars and the slot area just sprawls out all around. There are also plenty of bars within the casino to get your video poker on if that’s your thing.

The pool area is really a series of pools with tons of seating both in and out of the pools. The only knock I would give to the pool area would be the price of cocktails. I believe it cost $16 to get a fruity cocktail like a Margarita or Pina Colada. Beers were more reasonable at around $7 a pop, but if you don’t ask about prices beforehand your eyes might get wide when the bill comes at the end of the day.

Overall the Red Rock impressed pretty much everyone who stayed there. While the gaming was ice cold overall the amount of fun we had all over that place was insane. We would definitely recommend this place if you are looking for something a little different than the typical strip craziness. You could easily stay there a few days without getting bored.

T-Bones outdoor lounge

One last note… We had planned to post this as a separate post entirely but due to recent developments it would appear better to mention it here briefly. The night after the wedding a bunch of folks met up at the restaurant “T-Bones” inside the Red Rock for their happy hour. The reason we felt this deserved its own post was because their Happy Hour was pretty amazing. Cocktails, beers and appetizers for $5 bucks a pop, that includes good beers, like a 22 ounce bottle of Arrogant Bastard. The layout of the bar is pretty sweet as well. There is an outside lounge area with a fire pit and plenty of seating overlooking the pool that provided the perfect place to kick back and unwind after a fun and eventful day in Vegas. So why is this no longer worthy of its own post? Simple, management nixed the happy hour deals so the awesomeness I just described is now obsolete, except for the cool outside arrangement.

Vegas!

Rhino Reviews: Las Vegas Wedding Edition!

2011-04-29T09:38:00.000-07:00

About a week ago a majority of the Rhino Nights Crew awoke to a lovely Las Vegas hangover, which in our opinion is the best kind of hangover you can have. By Friday night every member of the crew was in Las Vegas together, a first for all of us.

So what could bring Mayham, DoubleDown, Burns, Goose, The Ric and BlackChip together? A Vegas Wedding!

First order of business, a big congrats to Mr. and Mrs. BlackChip for tying the knot last Saturday and for providing all of us with a very memorable Vegas trip! Here’s a list of some of the activities we enjoyed over the long weekend:

Drinking – a given

Gambling – duh (On and Off Strip)

Eating Well – We checked out some new spots which we will review in the future.

Red Rock Hotel – Full review will come later. Quick review “It Red Rocked!” – corny I know

Reserved Craps Table – A first for all of us and a must for any Vegas Veteran

Pool Action – Details will be a part of full Red Rock Review

Wedding in Vegas – HIGHLY RECOMMENDED!

Well folks, it’s Friday and as you know we are lazy, so look for expanded reviews, news and tips next week! Happy Weekend!

Rhino Nights Crew

Mayham's Mixers - NCAA TOURNEY DRINKING GAME

2011-03-16T13:55:00.000-07:00

Have we resorted to posting old content from last year? Yes, but it's still relevant and serves as a friendly reminder of how to drink starting tomorrow, which is a double whammy - First real day of the tournament (forget this second round crap, it's the first round!) and St. Patrick's day! Enjoy...

I'll keep this short and sweet. The NCAA Basketball Tournament starts tomorrow - for you lucky folks that have the day off I suggest you make it extra fun by playing a very simple drinking game. The Ric touched on it in his post on Tuesday so if this is redundant I apologize. Ok, you ready? Here it is. Take an Irish Car Bomb everytime the lower seeded team (underdog) wins a game. See, I told you it was simple. I suppose you could substitute Car Bomb's with your favorite shot or shooter of choice, but something about a Car Bomb makes it all seem more legit.

Alright, that's it - Good luck with your brackets and enjoy the first four days of the tournament.

Cheers!

Mayham

Rhino Reviews: Reno Edition!

2011-03-10T12:50:00.000-08:00

A few members of the Rhino Nights crew went to Tahoe back in January. On the last day of the trip we hung out for a bit in Reno. Below is our review.

RENO SUCKS!

We hope this has been helpful. We have plans to post a longer review of Tahoe at some point. Probably in another three months.

Rhino Reviews: Aria and Cosmo Edition!

2011-01-07T10:54:00.000-08:00

We're Back! Long overdue but at least it's Vegas related!

So I checked out Aria a few months ago and once I got past the spoiled, vanilla bean smell, I thought it was pretty cool. My initial reaction was that the place looked as if someone put up four walls around the Bat Cave and the immediate surrounding forest area. Of course when I went back last week, I was told my opinion was "way off." Well, GFY, is what I say, It's my opinion.

I found that the coolest parts of the casino is three-fold:

-The big-ass coiled tree thing in the middle of the casino

-The metal playing card collage outside the pokerroom

-The palpable feeling that everyone in there thinks they are so fucking bitchin'

The last point isn't necessarily a "cool part" but it stuck with me.

Flash-forward to last week when me and most of the RN Krew went back to Vegas....

First of all that "dumpster vanilla-smelling" Aria should be ashamed of itself compared to The Cosmopolitan. This place was truly the next generation of the Vegas hotel/casino. Right before you walk in, there is a sign that spells "ALL SAINTS" in incandescent light bulbs referring to some hipster clothing store, but I thought it was a good first impression because I'm pretty sure I remember that I thought one or more of the chicks in that band with the same name was pretty hot.

My initial reaction to the interior could be described as "ULTRA super hip urban loft party scene sans greasy d-bags." When I expressed my opinion to the others, they actually agreed! It looks like they spent more money on the interior of this multi-level casino/hotel/mall than all of CityCenter. Lots of cool, young-money chandeliers and pretty people. This place is truly unique and should definitely be walked through as their mid-week, during-the-day, $15 & $25 table minimums will out-price all of us who read Rhino Nights. It was nice not smelling an overwhelming artificial scent too.

Final Grades:

Aria: Mehh

Cosmopolitan: Mehh x 4

For journalistic integrity, I should mention I applied for a job at CityCenter and they didn't hire me so my opinions could be skewed a touch.

Thanks for reading!

BlackChip

Keeley Hazell - Rack of the Week

2010-10-08T09:10:00.000-07:00

The Rhino Nights Rack of the Week is back! At this point we should think about changing it to Rack of the Month but whatever.

The British invasion continues! Keeley Hazell is a former English Page 3 girl and glamour model and she's freaking ridiculously good looking. Special thanks to "aa" for recommending this beauty. It's good to be back!

Sneaky Vegas - The $20 Hotel Suite Trick - Bellagio Update

2010-10-05T14:23:00.000-07:00

Hey everyone! You are probably wondering (all three of you) where the hell have we been? Well, we've been around, just haven't had time to update the blog lately. If any of you out there want to give us a large amount of money we'd be happy to do the blog full time and quit our real jobs! Anyways, on to an important update...

Double Down was in our favorite city this past weekend and attempted to do the $20 trick at one of the nicer hotels on the strip, the Bellagio. Here is his brief but informative report:

"asked, put 20 on the table.. she looked feverishly for the two suites i wanted.. she said, sold out.. but offered another upgrade... slightly larger room with something ... i declined.. pulled my 20 off the table"

So there you have it. I wouldn't say this was a complete rejection, at least the broad looked stuff up for a while.

On another note, DD gave the Bellagio a rating of 4/5. This was the first time a member of the Rhino Nights Crew has stayed at this particular hotel.

There you have it. Hopefully we can start updating somewhat regularly again. Look for a Rack of the Week sometime soon!

Inés Sainz - Rack of the Week

2010-09-14T10:02:00.000-07:00

OK, so she might not meet our standards in the rack department, but holy shit, check out the backside on the chick that the New York Jets allegedly sexually harassed. Her name is Ines Sainz and she is a reporter for TV Azteca. She claims that members of the Jets sexually harassed her during a recent trip to Jets camp.

According to the New York times, "The New York Post reported that during drills, Dennis Thurman, the team's defensive backs coach, purposely overthrew passes that landed near Sainz on the sideline. The Post also reported that linebacker Jason Taylor(notes) volunteered to join the defensive backs. Players also reportedly made sexually suggestive comments in the locker room after practice. [...]

In a statement released by the Jets, [team owner Woody] Johnson stressed to Sainz that "he expects all members of the Jets organization to conduct themselves in a professional manner at all times."

I hate to say it ladies, but the NFL is a man's world.... as a former member of the media, I have been in NFL locker rooms... female reporters are going to see wieners and hear a lot of offensive talk, it comes with the territory. But hey, you got that ass some great publicity, so well done!

Open Letter to Wives and GirlfriendsIn re: Football Season

2010-09-10T09:53:00.000-07:00

Ladies, thanks for coming. We’re not really big on feelings, unless it involves our teams, our wallets or our junk. We haven’t rushed into this decision the way we rush into the bathroom after too many chicken wings. It hasn’t been any one thing you’ve done. Sure, some things you do confuse us like when you complain that we don’t help you and then we try to help you, but you don’t want our help because you had to tell us. You know, things like that. It’s OK. We understand you’re all just various lovable degrees of unstable like a beer can pyramid.

The point is that really, its not you, its us. We know you hate to hear that, but its true. Its kind of like when we forget to put the toilet seat down, it really was just an accident. We didn’t mean for you to fall in. (Btw ladies, you should try turning on the lights and looking down next time. It works every time!) It’s about what we’ve been going through, which has been months of nothing but lame baseball. You still make us happy, like when you leave us alone on weekends to lay around and not try to give us errands to do. It’s just that, well, Football makes us happy too. NO, not happier, just happy, but in a way that has nothing to do with you at all.

So since it’s about even as far as what you and football mean to us, we’ve decided we’re going to pay attention to football. No, we’re not breaking up, we’re on a break. In fact “break” is such a strong word. Why don’t we call it our relationship’s offseason. It’s like when athletes play two sports. Girlfriend/wife season is over and now we’ve got to turn our attention to Football. Maybe you can do some strength and conditioning during this time so you can finally carry stuff and possibly even open some lids.

We listen when you say you want us to do things spontaneously and to keep things fresh. What could be fresher than coming back after five months apart? Like some frozen chicken, just thaw us out in a few months; we won’t make you sick. Plus it will give you time to forget about all the stuff we’ve done over the last seven months to drive you insane(er) and all the stuff you’ve convinced yourself we’ve done on purpose to upset you.

Now this doesn’t mean that we can’t see each other. You’re more than welcome to come by and bring us beer, fried foods, and do our laundry. We can even get together on a Tuesday and talk about my fantasy lineups.

Anyway, we think that about explains where we’ll be for the next five months. OF COURSE we’re going to miss you (mostly during time outs, but that still counts right?). Listen, don’t you go changing o.k. beautiful? Glad you understand, now turn on the game.

Julianna Guill - Rack of the Week

2010-09-07T14:05:00.000-07:00

The Rhino Nights Crew would like to apologize for our lack of updates lately and we think this week's rack will make up for it. If you haven't seen "Friday the 13th", the 2009 version, then you are missing out my friends. The movie itself is pretty awful but Julianna Guill more than makes up for it. Smoking hot!

Vegas Tales

2010-08-27T13:09:00.000-07:00

The Nevada State Gaming Control Board has fined Caesars Palace $250,000 for allowing a high-limit baccarat player to stand and dance on the card table while the game was being dealt. The board filed a complaint accusing Caesars for failing to take action to protect the game and the customer, who even placed a bet while he was standing on the table. The incident took place last October.

Enjoy your weekend, and keep the dancing to the strippers.

NFL Training Camp Day 4 - Chris Cooley

2010-08-24T15:10:00.000-07:00

We gave the players a day off yesterday after a helluva game over the weekend. Anyways, training camp is back in session with Chris Cooley's smokin hot wife and former Redskins cheerleader Christy Oglevee. Chris is best known as a tight end in the NFL and as being the idiot who posted his own junk by accident on his blog, "The Cooley Zone". What we will know him as moving forward is the dude with a really ridiculously good looking wife and for that, we salute the junk posting douche and predict the Redskins will once again fall short of all expectations.

NFL Training Camp Day 3 - Kellen Winslow Jr.

2010-08-20T10:41:00.000-07:00

Well, Janelle Winslow is smokin hot... but I feel sorry for her because she is married to King Douche Kellen, who in my opinion is actually the ultimate queen in the NFL. Either way, she stops traffic down in Tampa. I"M A SOLDIER!!!!!!!

NFL Training Camp Day 2 - Tony Gonzalez

2010-08-19T08:57:00.000-07:00

One of the best Tight End's in the history of the game, Tony Gonzalez also has one of the hottest wives in the NFL. The 10 time pro bowler is getting ready to start his 2nd season with the Falcons and with October Gonzalez in the stands, the town can correctly be called HOTLANTA. Well done TG.

NFL Training Camp Day 1 - Wes Welker

2010-08-18T09:48:00.000-07:00

We have decided to give the Rack of the Week some well needed vacation time. (I think we ran out of juggs, but we will find more!) So in the spirit of the upcoming NFL season, the RN nation is not only getting their bookies and online betting accounts primed for some action, we are also looking forward to seeing the player's hot bitches in the stands! From today until the beginning of the season, we will be showcasing the hottest wives and girlfriends of today's NFL stars. First up, New England's Mr. Everything, Wes Welker and his ridiculously hot girlfriend Anna Burns. This chick would even give us a bone with Belicheat's cutoff hoodie on! Enjoy!

Sneaky Vegas - The $20 Hotel Suite Trick - Update

2010-08-17T22:11:00.000-07:00

You may recall Double Down's post about the $20 trick earlier this year. I've witnessed DD pull this off first hand on several occasions but have never attempted it myself. This is in large part due to the fact that most of the rooms I've stayed in the past few years have been comped under Double Down's name. He follows his own advice folks, he isn't just making up all the tips he's posted to this site.

Well fans of Vegas, I am happy to report I am no longer a $20 trick virgin as I attempted it this past weekend at the Mirage and it..................................... WORKED!

A few weeks ago I received some deals in the mail for the MGM/Mirage group of hotels. I had already been planning a trip to Vegas for myself and my special lady friend so I pounced on the offer of two free nights at the Mirage plus $50 in free play. I booked their standard deluxe room which is the only option with the comp I had.

Since I had never tried the $20 trick before I was determined to give it a go upon my arrival. After a six and a half hour drive we finally parked and headed for the lobby. I won't lie, between DD and myself, I lose in the "being smooth" department, but I pressed on anyways. I had the $20 in my hand folded over once. I approached the counter and gave my name and confirmed the reservation. When the dude behind the counter started talking about the room I put my hand down on the counter with the $20 hanging out and asked if there were any upgrades available. To my relief, he immediately started typing away to check and within a few seconds said he could upgrade us to a tower deluxe room.

Compared to what we had booked, the tower deluxe rooms are slightly bigger, have a whirl pool bath tub and are located on a much higher floor. The other huge benefit was private elevator access. Our room was on the 25th floor and the elevators we used only went to the 24th and 25th floors and required your hotel key in order to operate. If you've ever been stuck on a Sunday trying to catch an elevator down to the lobby you know how large this perk is.

So, the new upgraded room was booked and I happily handed over the $20 to the gentleman across from me. Now that I've been successful with it I'm sure I will attempt it every time I stay in Vegas moving forward.

Trust me, if I could pull it off anyone can!

Motivational Malarky

2010-08-13T07:26:00.001-07:00

Holly Peers - Rack of the Week

2010-08-10T11:38:00.000-07:00

We should really think about renaming this feature the British Rack of the Week. Here's another big boobed Brit model for you all. Her name is Holly Peers and she meets all of our qualifications. Enjoy!

Random Hilarity - Antoine Dodson Remix

2010-08-03T09:29:00.000-07:00

Just stop what you are doing and watch the news story below, then watch the remix of the story below that. Then laugh.

Now watch the remix...

Rita G - Rack of the Week

2010-08-02T09:48:00.000-07:00

Rita G parlayed successful Playboy spreads into the starring role in Kanye West's "Flashing Lights" video, in which she jiggled slowly across the screen for 3 straight minutes (See below). Besides being a well known video hoe, Rita has appeared in all the big men's magazines and is a regular on the Howard Stern show. Oh yea, and she is all natural.... BOOM!

Poke me? Poke me? No pal, poke you!

2010-07-29T11:25:00.000-07:00

Recently I had lunch with a friend and he told me, "This girl poked me on Facebook." I asked him what he did and he answered that he hadn't done anything. He explained he wasn't sure what it meant. Was this girl flirting with him? If she was, he was dating someone she knew and maybe poking her back was a bad idea. We laughed about how ridiculous the conversation was but it made me think about how social networking and internet dating makes it too easy to try to pick up on someone.

As the ubiquitous Match.com ad points out, 1 in 5 relationships start online. I'm surprised it's not higher. Not only is it convenient but it insulates everyone from the one factor that keeps most people from approaching someone else: rejection. This certainly is the biggest factor for men anyway and I don't know why the case would be different for women. On Match.com you can "wink" at someone, a much clearer signal of interest than the "poke", on a site where it's presumed you're looking to meet someone. I think Match should trade Facebook the wink for the poke; this would probably be a lot more helpful to FB users. In any event these types of actions are the new casual glance at the bar. No real interaction just a brief visual cue that says, "Hey did you notice that I noticed you?"

In 5th grade I liked a girl and couldn't bring myself to talk to her. So I did what 5th graders did and sent her a note (the precursor to the text, email and social network admission of affection) asking her to be my girlfriend. While 5th grade me had no courage, this apparently wasn't one of her criteria and she said yes. After that we didn't talk again for months. I figured out she had "dumped" me when she started hanging out with some other guy. The point was my informal interaction hadn't prepared me to actually talk to her and even though her initial response (in the form of a circled "yes") was positive, I wasn't capable of interacting with her personally. Regrettably, I consider this one of my most successful relationships.

Talking to a woman is like being MacGyver. Usually it's a situation you had not planned so much as stumbled into. You have a kernel of an idea, maybe a cup, some ice, a phone, your wit and about two minutes to make something out of nothing or watch the whole thing blow up faster than Kirstie Alley after her Jenny Craig contract expired. It used to be you had to steel yourself, take a deep breath, man up and find the confidence to talk to a woman. Now all you need is the confidence that your credit card information won't be stolen once you register on a dating site. Where you once had to come face to face with rejection, now you face only an empty inbox.

Things like pokes, winks and everything in between make it easier to break the ice but they also make it easier to wuss out. It's like showing up to the test with all the answers. Yeah you may do well, at least at first, but at some point not having learned that stuff will probably catch up to you. If you wouldn't talk to a woman in person you shouldn't "talk" to her online. That's a good rule of thumb that should act as a general rule. By no means should you not try to wink at the hot girl but if you couldn't do the same (at least for the most part) in person then virtual you is just a Cyrano de Bergerac for the insecure real you.

Ultimately, I enjoyed my online dating experience but it doesn't compare to meeting and chatting up your next ex-girlfriend in person. So go ahead and virtual wink and poke to your heart's content, but don't let that cyber courage ever act as a substitute for good old liquid courage!

Random Hilarity - Shake Teaches Sex Ed.

2010-07-28T09:08:00.001-07:00

Kelly Brook - Rack of the Week

2010-07-27T08:44:00.000-07:00

Let the British invasion continue with this week's ROW, Kelly Brook (or as she is known around the Rhino Nights office, Mrs. DoubleDown). Not really famous for anything besides being a "healthy" gal that poses with her fun timers out, Brook will grace the cover of Playboy in September with a pictorial that is sure to make the Queen blush. She also used to date Billy Zane, you know, the bad guy from that movie Titantic. BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOBS!

Ya Bra, I Got a Problem with That!

2010-07-22T12:13:00.000-07:00

So I was sitting there looking at the Macy’s catalog trying to find my deep fryer (which is awesome, thanks for asking), when I ran across the ladies section of the circular and instantly fell into playing the time honored guy game, “Which One?” If you’re not familiar with this little game it’s pretty basic. You can use any page with a picture of three or more girls on it and you have to pick which of the three is the best looking. This works with anything from Us Weekly (when in line at the super market) to Macy's ads (when looking for sales on deep fryers) to Victoria’s Secret (when you’re looking for hot girls to look at).

Anyway, I picked the same brunette three different times before I realized it was the same girl. In all three she had different hair and a different pose, which wasn’t the problem. In all three she had different breasts! At least she appeared to have different sized breasts. Then I realized that... same breasts, different bra, wtf?

THE BRA (not to be confused with the Boston Redevelopment Authority-an unfortunate acronym to be sure) is a great invention that affords the ladies stability, support and comfort. All guys can agree that there is nothing wrong with any of this. If bras were so bad Frank Costanza never would’ve been trying to invent the bro or the manziere. You’d have to dig up a hippie to find someone who didn’t appreciate the value of a bra.

Having now clearly thrown my support fully behind the bra (in principle) let me address the problem at hand. The bra, against its will, has been manipulated, used, disfigured and twisted for evil. The bra is asked to lift, stretch, push and pull...not just breasts but the truth!

Bras have names like backless, balconette, convertible, cupless, demi cup, front fastening, full coverage, halter, longline, minimizing (egregious) padded, plunge, push-up, racerback, sports, sheer, strapless, strapless-backless (pasties?) underwire and wireless, to name a few. You know what mens underwear is called? Boxers, briefs and boxer-briefs. No halter top plunging wireless boxer has ever been marketed, to my knowledge anyway.

Ladies, at least have the decency to look me in the eyes when you’re lying. Don’t lie to me as I’m stealing inappropriate glances when you’re totally distracted. You should feel the sting and guilt of your intended deception and not be allowed to just wash it away when you throw the bra in the laundry. Bras are like prescription drugs, they’re legal but you’re not supposed to abuse them! More than that it’s just not right. Don’t show me a Hemi and sell me a Hyundai. I’m o.k. with a Hyundai, I just want to feel like I picked it out, not like I got conned into it. That can’t be too much to ask.

Before you ladies start to man bash, let me point out that unless you’re 16, breasts are not that important to a guy. There are a ton of things we love about women. Breasts are icing on the cake, nothing more. Not a deal maker or a deal breaker. Just let us deal with them on our own terms. If not, at least put on stickers that say, “objects may appear larger than actual size.” At least that’s honest.

I love the ladies and I’m no hypocrite. If guys start inventing things to make their sex pistols look bigger, causing some let down to you ladies, I’ll be the first one to denounce the “pro” or whatever they’ll name such a device. Until then, Victoria, your secret is out! ...Was nothing real?

Seinfeld Time!

2010-07-21T11:50:00.000-07:00

Kramer: Jerry. Jerry, come here. Take a look at this.
[Jerry joins him]
Kramer: The name on the boat. Look at it.
Jerry: Assman!
Kramer: Yeah [points towards the doctor's office], he's the Assman! Jerry, he's the Assman!

Kramer and Jerry in "The Fusille Jerry".

Dania Ramirez - Rack of the Week

2010-07-19T12:07:00.000-07:00

Great racks come in all sizes and Dania Ramirez proves it. You may recognize her from the latest season of "Entourage" or you may be looking at her for the first time on the blog. Either way she's hot and deserving of this weeks award and you are now a better person after seeing her photos.

Random Hilarity - How Ugly Chicks Can Look Hot

2010-07-16T07:33:00.000-07:00

A Bald Man's Perspective

2010-07-15T09:20:00.000-07:00

So I was reading my most trusted news source today – TMZ – and came across a wonderful article that made me think – “What’s the point?”. America’s favorite teenage mom, Bristol Palin, and her beau Levi Johnston have decided to get married. Congratulations! What a wonderful thought … right? A couple things though about the article and how they are going about things … one, they didn’t want to actually tell their parents (embarrassment, judgment, or fear of being called the dumbest two people in the world?), so they decided to break their news with US Weekly – because then I am sure their parents wouldn’t hear about it.

http://www.tmz.com/2010/07/14/levi-and-bristol-engaged-married-sarah-palin-tripp/

http://www.startribune.com/entertainment/98402019.html?elr=KArksLckD8EQDUoaEyqyP4O:DW3ckUiD3aPc:_Yyc:aULPQL7PQLanchO7DiUsr

Looking beyond the stupidity of this – and knowing that they will be divorced before you know it – they have pledged to not have sex, and remain abstinent until their wedding night (by the way they are pulling the shotgun wedding off in 6 weeks – can you say pregnant again?). In the real world – I would applaud these youngsters for choosing to abide by their faith and wait until marriage, but let’s all remember – they do have a 2 year old son together … which leads me to believe that they have had sex before (sorry, hate to disappoint all the immaculate conception theorists out there).

So what’s this all mean you may be asking yourselves?

It’s just another 15 minutes of fame for both of them … they have had a taste of the “good life”. You know, Levi posing for Playgirl, Bristol getting into acting and public speaking (rumors are she gets $20,000 - $40,000 per speech on abstinence). For those of you who also might be trying to complete the link back to Sarah Palin – it leads me to believe that she needs to lean back on the this when it comes time to start running for office again. Or is it another book tour? Or was she going to get her own midday TV show? Who knows …

All I know is this is a joke …

I give it two years tops before they are split, and less than 9 months before they pop out another kid …yes folks my money is on that they didn’t remain abstinent and are actually with child now. Take it to Vegas …

Bald guy out!

Sofia Vergara - Rack of the Week

2010-07-14T09:08:00.000-07:00

We usually stray away from the uber famous for our ROW selections, however after seeing some recent pictures of Modern Family star Sofia Vergara, we felt we had to change things up a bit and honor the hottest 38-year old on the planet. We honestly had no idea that she was this stacked and from all accounts those warlocks are 100% real. So enjoy the boners today Rhino Nights nation... you are welcome.

Congrats to Spain!

2010-07-12T08:44:00.000-07:00

Rhino Nights would like to congratulate Spain on their 2010 World Cup victory! With that being said, this may be our last soccer related post for about four years. We hope you've enjoyed it, but now it's back to the normal stuff. You know, boobs, Las Vegas, drinking and sports like football, basketball and baseball!

Quit F***ing With Vegas!

2010-07-07T13:20:00.000-07:00

I understand that things need to be updated and all, but this shit is getting out of control. I sat silently for the sake of advancement when the Stardust fell, shed a personal tear for the New Frontier and even became somewhat emotional when they tore down the freakishly awful Boardwalk. But now, they are stepping on my toes, by messing with a property that has no reason to be torn to shreds and repurposed.

Reports out of Vegas say that Bill's Gambling Hall and Saloon is set for a "major renovation" that will turn this busy and beloved strip mainstay into a "major entertainment force." Rhino Nights translation.... Lets turn this awesome place where we have many fond memories into another clone of the "let the pretty people be seen and heard" joint. All we need are more places where we can't escape reality show wannabees and the skinny jean wearing homos that are chasing them.

Before it was "traded" for land to Harrahs and renamed, Bill's was known as the Barbary Coast. Built in 1979, this extremely small hotel/casino looked out of place, being dwarfed by Bally's and The Flamingo.. its neighbors. However, it provided an awesome niche and an almost needed relief for people that were tired of getting lost in the ever growing mammoths that were being built around it. Mayham and myself, along with Burns, The Ric and Goose grew extremely close to the Barbary when they began offering $2 You-Call-Its at the bar. Something we still talk about on every trip to Sin City. We also fell in love with the "downtown feel" right on the busiest corner of Las Vegas Boulevard.

The corporations that own the strip properties are finding it increasingly more important to change Vegas into a 20-somethings only environment in an ever growing need to be one of the "cool" kids. Do they realize that they are alienating the real customers that keep the lights on? Why would they jeopardize established money coming into their joints by chasing after youthful poor kids that are just posing as rich? Harrahs, feel free to contact me or Mayham... we would be the finest consultants your company has ever seen.

So, Harrah's decision makers... let me be the first to raise both middle fingers and salute you properly. I'll take my business elsewhere. Keep your fingers crossed and hope they can't find the funding.

Larissa Riquelme - Rack of the Week

2010-07-06T15:04:00.000-07:00

Raise your hand if you want to be the cell phone in this photo. That's what we thought! Larissa Riquelme has become THE World Cup babe. When she isn't modeling lingerie she is apparently a Paraguay super fan. Better yet for the people of Paraguay, she will be running naked through the streets of the capital, even though her team lost to Spain. Larissa is certainly deserving of this week's Rack honor!

Random Hilarity - Joe Dirt Fireworks

2010-07-05T11:12:00.001-07:00

Spade rules, i hope everyone still has all their appendages after yesterday.

HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY WEEKEND!

2010-07-02T10:47:00.000-07:00

The Rhino Nights Crew would like to wish everyone a safe and happy Independence Day weekend! Have fun drinking, grilling and watching sports and fireworks. All things Americans are great at. God bless you all and God bless America!

A Bald Man's Perspective

2010-07-01T08:17:00.000-07:00

I’ve noticed a rash of recent celebrity downfalls having to do with infidelity – Tiger, Jesse, Spitzer, Gore, Johan, etc. What I find humorous is that in the end how many of these women who have knowingly slept with a married man are just looking for one thing – their 15 minutes of fame! What has this world come to that you need to get your name in some tabloid in order to be popular and get your next big movie/book deal? Since when has being a slut a good thing?

I am not defending the men involved by any means – but these women are looking for one thing out of this (and it ain’t “love”) – MONEY! Look at Jocelyn James (AKA Tiger Babe #11 ). Every time Tiger has a press conference, so does she. She’s hired some high buck attorney to try and work a sweet hush deal to get a big pay out. Seriously – she even went to the extent of saying it ruined her career by dating Tiger (FYI – she was a PORN STAR). She gave up her lifestyle and has threatened suit against Tiger saying she is no longer able to provide for herself since giving up her career. Really? She couldn’t just go make another film? Then there’s Tiger Babe #1 – what’s-her-name-with-the-big-boobs – who reportedly got $10,000,000 to not say anything. Man what a deal!
What has society come to when we get all our news from Entertainment Tonight and The Enquirer? When we think it’s ok to make a living by sleeping with a married man (or woman) and extorting money from them to keep quite? When you have to go on a dating show in order to further your wrestling career (no I didn’t watch the Bachelorette, I saw it on the news)? Why do people think they need this fame?

You can’t tell me that any woman that sleeps with a married man (especially of celebrity caliber) that they think this jerk truly loves them and is going to leave their wife for them? Really? You don’t think that these guys have a chick in every town? That you are the “only” one? Really??? So why make it out to be the biggest story of the century? More so – why do people watch trashy shows that highlight this type of behavior? Entertainment Tonight has been banned in my house – I don’t care to know the latest trash talk. Whatever happened to media covering an interesting story about a cat stuck in the tree and the firefighters that rescued it? Society today thrives on this nonsensical bulls**t and it is making this world a worse place to live.

Remember the days when as a kid you could ride your bike to your friends house? Or better yet, during the summer you could leave the house at 8 am and not have to be home until dinner time without your parents worrying constantly? That doesn’t happen anymore … kids need to be driven everywhere, you give your 9 year old a cell phone so they can text you every 15 minutes with what they are doing and who they are with, and families just don’t sit down at night and watch The Cosby Show. This world has come to a society of creeps, weirdo sex addicts, money grubbing wanna-bes that are looking for the next quick fix.

What happened to working hard for your money and living a “normal” life? Marrying your high school/college sweetheart and actually staying married for 50+ years?

Today’s children are in for a whole new life that our generation (being the 30-40somethings) could never fathom. I say we go back to old ways – make family a priority – and teach values. Not show our kids that it’s someone else’s fault and if they don’t like it, just sue!

Bald Guy Out!

Lady Luck to Re-Open Doors.... in 2012

2010-06-30T13:55:00.001-07:00

Since its abrupt closing in 2006 for "Renovations", the Lady Luck in downtown Las Vegas (206 North 3rd) has laid dormant and gutted ever since. Intially scheduled to reopen in 2007, the project ran out of cash and renovations stalled.

For those of you unfamiliar with the Lady Luck, this beautiful downtown gem opened in 1964. The Lady would go on to provide decades of great hotel service and gambling near Fremont street. In the late 90's and early 2000's, she fell on hard times and severely needed an overhaul or demolishing. I first visited the Lady Luck in 2003 (trying to find my innner Swinger, part of the Vaughn/Favreau movie was filmed there), it immediately gave me the sensation of "Old Vegas" and I freaking loved it. Cheap minimums, dirty carpet, cheap (but stiff) drinks and dealers that looked disinterested, this was the seedy Vegas that was show in movies. Needless to say, I returned many times to visit her downtown. I was sad to hear that her doors were closing.

Purchased from the Henry Brent Company, by Hollywood real estate developers CIM group, it appears the Lady is set for a $100 million makeover to spruce up the aging beauty. Planned upgrades include the addition of a meeting space and pool deck on top of the existing casino building, a new spa and fitness room, room upgrades, new restaurants, and an entertainment venue. The grand reopening is scheduled for sometime in 2012.

I'm not exactly sure I will jump for joy with the opening of the new "Lady Luck" as i'm sure it will deliver the same pretentious remodel that has overwhelmed my favorite city over the last decade. However, I will check it out, as I do with all new casinos to see what they have to offer.... and possibly shed a tear for my old friend.

Motivational Malarky

2010-06-29T08:05:00.000-07:00

Nereida Gallardo - Rack of the Week

2010-06-28T10:38:00.000-07:00

Does everyone remember when Rhino Nights used to write about cool things like Las Vegas and gambling? WTF happened! I kid, I kid, there is more of that to come for sure. But since everyone has gone soccer crazy, we will continue to ride the gravy train. This week's ROW is none other than Nereida Gallardo. WHO???? That's right, she's not famous but her pretty boy soccer boyfriend Cristiano Rondaldo certainly is. Flopping is an epedimic on the soccer field, but I will allow it in the stands if Nereida is jumping up and down celebrating.

A Bald Man's Perspective

2010-06-25T07:17:00.000-07:00

McDonald’s was threatened by “The Center for Science in the Public Interest” for handing out toys in their happy meals … the company likens McDonalds to a child molester handing candy out at a play ground. The company claims that “using toys to entice children instills bad eating habits and puts kids at higher risk of developing obesity…”.

http://money.cnn.com/2010/06/22/news/companies/CSPI_sues_McDonalds/index.htm

Here’s one for you … if you don’t want your kid to be overweight … get them off the couch and outside playing a game or heaven forbid, mow the lawn! I don’t remember many overweight kids growing up because we were always moving … not sitting on their butts playing video games all day. There wasn’t a summer day when I was a kid that we weren’t outside -

Kids today are lazy, selfish, and think that they know it all. When I was 12 – if I did something wrong, I knew I‘d get the belt on my bottom … not a “time out”. As a new parent, I am worried for my daughter. What will this society teach her? That it’s ok to not be responsible for your own actions? That when something doesn’t go YOUR way, you just file a lawsuit? I read an article recently about the most “needed” professionals in America and lawyer was in the top 10. Seriously? Why? The answer – because everyone wants the easy button. Staples commercials are hilarious – push a button and everything is better. That is unfortunately what the liberal Nazis of this country believe they should have the “RIGHT” to do. Nowhere in the Constitution does it say anyone has the right to prevent another person from receiving a toy with their Happy Meal! Aren’t there better things that we should be figuring out with our nation, like feeding the starving children, improving our education, reducing the nations dependency on foreign markets, or locking up predatory sex offenders for life?

This world is coming to an end if my child will not have the RIGHTS to get a toy with her chicken nuggets!

Bald Guy Out!

THE BEST DAY EVER

2010-06-23T15:36:00.001-07:00

It’s late and we’re flying out early tomorrow so its going to be short and sweet. We started the day early by going to Eastwoods, a bar a block away from the stadium. It quickly turned into a U.S. outpost as the yanks poured in to drink and eat before the game. We celebrated and soaked in our last day in South Africa. We did not know what would happen at the game so I think all the U.S. fans were just trying to take in all the good vibes.

The game was an up an down emotional roller coaster. It was ridiculous; we had a chance to score a bunch of times AND when we scored it got waived off on an offside call that apparently wasn’t.

To say we were beyond nervous is to put it very very mildly. It was the most tense 90 minutes. Pressure kept mounting with every minute that went by. It was near panic during the last ten minutes when we all realized that we may not score. We kept yelling and urging the U.S. forward. I think everyone started to try to wrestle with the fact we were not going to go through to the next round.

AND THEN, in the 91st, minute Landon Donavan delivered the U.S. goal we had all been waiting for. IT WAS BEYOND DESCRIPTION. The second goal against Slovenia seemed like nothing to this. We went insane. We cried, I’m not ashamed to say it. So did everyone around us, we yelled, jumped and fell down into the aisle and down the stairs. It was total chaos. When the game ended we broke into another rendition of the National Anthem, which everyone yelled out through tears of joy and utter shock. We went back to the bar where everyone yelled and screamed and hugged each other like we were relatives who hadn’t seen each other in years.

It was a great day to be an American. It was a great day for U.S. soccer and it was the absolute most amazing thing to be able to say....we were there. Incredible way to end the trip. We had a blast, South Africa was great! The people were awesome and even though we have a long flight home it will be a happy one. Thank you all for taking the time to read our blog. We hope we somehow were able to convey what it is like to be at a World Cup!

Motivational Malarky

2010-06-23T11:25:00.001-07:00

Final 48 Hours!

2010-06-22T12:13:00.000-07:00

So today is the last day before the U.S. game and we’ve had some down time to go to Sandton and people watch, shop and eat. Right now we’ve got the Itunes running, listening to Ice Cube’s “It Was A Good Day,” which it always is on vacation. The South Africans got knocked out of the tournament today and they are WAY BUMMED about it. They are the first host team in the history of the World Cup to not get out of the first round (they won tonight, but were short on total points). The South Africans we’ve talked to were not to be consoled by the fact they got a win. I pointed out that I’ve been to two world cups in a row and have yet to see a U.S. win, but at least they got one. This did not work as they expected to get through to the second round. In classic French form, the head coach for France refused to shake hands with the South African head coach after France lost today. The French by far were the biggest disaster of the World Cup. Runners-up four years ago, they laid down and gave up faster than they did when the Germans rolled into Paris during World War II.

That may be harsh, but honestly it’s nothing short of a national embarrassment the way they have comported themselves. France sent their best striker home after he told the French head coach to go F**k himself. The French President called it “unacceptable”. The team, in response, refused to practice which prompted the French Team Director to quit. In one of the funniest clips we’ve seen, the French trainer stormed off the practice field and threw his whistle in disgust, and not like a guy throwing away a spent cigarette, but like a guy who was trying to get rid of a grenade. They finished with one point and the French media is referring to the them as “headless chickens,” a play off the fact that the French football logo is a rooster (don’t ask me, I don’t know). They shouldn’t even have been playing in the tournament as they qualified on a missed hand ball.

The Uruguay team continued to impress with a 1-0 win over the Mexicans, but Mexico also went through to the next round. Honduras was eliminated by Spain last night leaving the U.S. as the last CONCACAF team trying to secure a place in the round of 16.

To say that tomorrow’s USA game is HUGE would be an understatement. Again, this is four years of anticipation to get to the World Cup, which is considered the FINALS for international soccer. So out of the 174 countries in the World, 32 qualified for the tournament. If the U.S. wins tomorrow, they are through to the next round, if they draw, it depends on what happens with Slovenia vs. England. if they lose, they are out and have again let themselves and the fans down. American soccer has been long on promise and short on results. Even though they played in the Finals of the Confederation Cup last year, that was then and this is now. The World Cup is the TOURNAMENT of tournaments. The most popular tournament of any sport in the world. To go out in the first round here would be nothing short of a failure and everyone wearing the Stars & Stripes, players and fans alike, know this. I’ve been nervous since the draw in the second game. It will be a long flight home if we lose. I’ll probably drink too much, cause a scene and force the plane to leave me in Kenya. In any event, we’re on our way out for a penultimate night of drinking. Will post after the U.S. game tomorrow.

Mayham's Mixers - World Cup Edition

2010-06-22T02:37:00.000-07:00

Hello everyone! One of the things i was excited about when we flew thousands of miles to the World Cup was the prospect of checking out the booze offerings in the stadiums. As you can see from the photo above, there is only one choice, Budweiser. We flew thousands of miles to drink Buds at every game. Yes I’m upset. This is the shortest Mixers post yet.

This Bud's for you!

World Cup Roundup - What We’ve Been Up To Lately

2010-06-21T16:13:00.000-07:00

So its been a couple of days since our last update. The day after the U.S. game we attended Cameroon vs Denmark in our home base of Pretoria at Loftus Versfeld Stadium(also site of the last U.S. group game). The “Indomitable Lions” of Cameroon were put down and knocked out of the tournament by a vastly more aggressive Danish team than the one we saw go down 2-0 to Holland just days ago. Cameroon, the highest ranked African team in the tournament, is now out, representative of the poor showing the African teams have made at this world cup. Right now only Ghana really looks like they have a chance at moving on to the knockout stages of the tournament. It’s more than unfortunate as this is the first World Cup on African soil and Africans from all countries and a lot of us visitors have been supporting the African teams playing here.

That same night we hit up Hatfield Square in the city of Pretoria, where the stadium is located and about twenty minutes from where we are staying. You have to go to Hatfield Square if you ever visit the Johannesburg area. It was spectacular and for you single guys out there it was by far the most stunning display of beautiful women I’ve ever seen, anywhere, period, not even close. We made the joke that like the game reserves, they just brought in beautiful women from all over the country and put them in all the bars in the square. We hit up the club “Dropzone” recommended by our new South African friend Karoline. We met up with people from all over the world and represented the U.S. well, drinking our share of alcohol and taking pictures with our fellow soccer fans. It was a great time.

The next morning we struggled to get up and shake off the cobwebs. We made our way down to Sandton, a suburb of Jozy (one of the local’s nicknames for Johannesburg). This is like the Beverly Hills of Johannesburg and its focal point is Nelson Mandela Square which has a gigantic mall with five star hotels occupying the four corner towers. Think the Beverly Center and The Grove fused together. A lot of the teams are staying there when they come int Jozy for their games. We ran into a few of the Slovenian players and considered informing them that they had stolen two points from the American side but decided against possibly starting an international incident. Of note was the Sony 3D T.V. exhibit which was amazing! I’ve seen the future and its 3D TV. They even take highlights of one of the games the night before which they filmed with 3D cameras and watching sports in 3D is like nothing else, simply amazing.

That night we attended the highly anticipated matchup between the Ivory Coast and Brazil. The Samba Boys took it to the Elephants and Brazil put on a show of classic South American soccer proving again why they call it “the Beautiful Game” or el Jogo Bonito in the Brazilian’s native Portuguese. The South American teams, in stark contrast to the African teams, have been blazing through this tournament and have yet to lose a match amongst them. Argentina, Brazil, Chile, Uruguay and Paraguay have played some great soccer and its been fun to watch. There were 84,544 fans at the game and it was a rich sea of a multitude of colors being worn by fans from all over the world.

Today we hit up the World of Beer at the South African Brewing Company. For 30 rand or about 4 American dollars we got a tour, a free beer glass with a beer halfway through the tour and then two full beers at the Brewery’s pub where we watched Portugal pour on a jaw dropping seven goals (6 in the second half) against a North Korean team that looked as if they’d been taken out of their closed off and sheltered country and dripped into Las Vegas. They literally had no idea what to do. South African traffic had better flow and order than the North Koreans who couldn’t seem capable of stopping a fly with a flame thrower much less stop Cristiano Ronaldo and his crew. It’s probably never a good day to be a North Korean, today was certainly one of the worst.

We then attended the local fan fest where we ate and did some souvenir shopping before heading over to Ellis Park (in the heart of Jozy) for the game between Spain and Honduras. Being a fan of Spanish soccer and of the Spanish team since I was a little Ric, it was a personal highlight to watch the team play. They did not let us down either putting on a clinic against an outclassed Honduras side that was lucky to only let two goals in. David Villa put in two goals and should have had three but pushed his penalty kick wide. The Spaniards were certainly not to be outdone by the South Americans and probably played the most in sync soccer we’ve seen yet with great runs, creative passing and staunch defense befitting of a country who dodge and outrun bulls for sport.

We’re getting ready to wind down the day as we prepare for our day tomorrow. We have no games to attend so planning on going big before our Wednesday U.S. game which is going to be HUGE. Good night from South Africa!

The Good, The Bad and The Ugly

2010-06-19T04:47:00.000-07:00

(The flag made it on TV! Photo courtesy of Miguelito!)

That pretty much sums up the second U.S. game Friday against the Slovenia team. U.S. supporters came in with high spirits and even higher expectations after having drawn with England in Rustenberg last Saturday. The Americans easily outnumbered the Slovenians. Then again, they’re only a country of 3 million (or so a drunk Slovenian told me as he also informed me the U.S. would lose).

We managed to get our California flag in a great spot on blue tarp covering the first few rows and it would have been easily visible on television if not for the fact that the South African police are apparently very fond of keeping their blue tarps free of clutter and made us remove our flag along with every other flag on those tarps. So we held our flag all game long and are fairly certain if you watch the replay you can see it several times as we were seated on a corner, two rows up and saw the flag on the big screen several times, so let us know if you saw it (We watched the replay and you can easily see it at the 18th,26,46 minute, the slow motion replay of the Landon goal and the 72nd minute).

We belted out another loud and proud rendition of the National Anthem which never gets old. Nothing like a few thousand Americans on foreign soil singing the Star Spangled Banner. Honestly I can’t think of a better moment of national unity than that. Seriously it is such a proud moment to join together with your countrymen far from home and sing our anthem. I wish I could convey that pride. If that doesn’t get your heart pumping you probably need a triple bypass. That was unfortunately the highlight of the next 45 minutes.

Things started off eerily similar to the England game with the U.S. giving up a quick goal. Our keeper, Tim Howard, might as well have been handed a stick, blind folded, spun around and then told to swing at a soccer ball pinata. He didn’t move and it took us a second to realize it wasn’t an offsides or foul that caused him to stand more still than than a magician’s assistant while knives are being thrown at her. It was just a solid kick by the Slovenian striker. Just like that, we were down one goal and stunned.

Had we known it was about to get worse we probably would have hurled into a vuvuzela. About half an hour later it got worse when another Slovenian strike found the back of the American net putting us down two goals heading into the half. No team in this tournament, which is now about 21 games in, had come back after being down 2-0. There was, as of yesterday, only an average of 1.5 goals a game being scored, so it was not looking good.

The second half got off to a resounding start when Landon Donovan, the best player this country has produced, scored a stellar shot that rocketed nearly straight up into the Slovenian net. The Americans were playing toward our side of the field so the goal happened pretty much right in front of us. We celebrated and quickly went back to worrying about getting another goal. With about eight minutes left in the game, the U.S. scored again on a Michael Bradley strike that came off a pass in the Slovenian box.

What ensued immediately after that goal was the most genuine and spontaneous outbreak of joy I’ve ever been a part of. The Americans went insane, to put it mildly. A collective roar rose up from the crowd on our end, followed by jumping, hugging, high-fiving and fist bumping, which almost right away was followed by exploding beer everywhere. It was like we were all celebrating in a locker room after winning a title, except that there were thousands of us and all we had done was tied the game against a team we were supposed to beat.

We thought we won the game when minutes later a U.S. cross was hit into the box and kicked into the goal only to be waived off because of a mysterious “foul” called on one of our players. Details of the alleged foul are sketchy, but apparently the foul was last seen having a drink with Elvis and Jimmy Hoffa aboard a U.F.O. heading into the Bermuda Triangle. It made no sense and the team, as well as the fans, were rightfully UPSET. After the game Landon Donovan was quoted as saying that he did not understand how they stole that last goal from the U.S. team. The game ended in a tie which is not what we wanted by any means. That being said, after being down 2-0 and rallying back to get another point and staying alive in our group, it was a huge moral victory. None the less it was tempered by the fact that the third goal should have been allowed and Yahoo is reporting the referee may be removed from further matches. Unfortunately it looks like the finest moment in recent American Soccer history was stolen from us by a jittery referee.

Motivational Malarky

2010-06-17T11:32:00.001-07:00

Damn you Uruguay, Damn you to Hell!

2010-06-16T15:36:00.000-07:00

We just returned from the Uruguay/South Africa game after a disappointing 3-0 loss by the hosting South Africans. Despite the outcome, we were overwhelmed by the energy in and out of the stadium leading up to the game. 60 minutes before kick-off the place was rocking with chants, cheers, and the ever present sound of the vuvuzela. The energy continued through the first half of the first half until Uruguay scored on a lucky deflection goal. You could hear and feel the air get sucked out of the joint at that moment. We continued to cheer the local boys on the rest of the way but things only got worse from that point on. Lets hope they come back strong against France in game three to make things interesting in the Group A bracket.

You see, the South Africans, or “Bafana, Bafana” as the locals call them, have become our adopted team to route for in this World Cup. Why? You can’t help but get sucked in by the friendliness, energy and pride these folks have. The people of South Africa have been nothing but gracious and friendly hosts to us so far. We’ve been greeted with smiles around every corner and you can just feel the pride they have for the opportunity to host this one of a kind event. Our very first day here the locals sought us out to ask how we were and how we were enjoying the country so far and that trend has continued throughout the trip. It also never hurts that the average price for a beer has been two dollars, which makes everything more enjoyable.

Despite the 3-0 loss, this game will be one I’m sure everyone in our group will remember. There’s nothing like cheering on the host team in person at the World Cup, we only wish they had won. DAMN YOU URUGUAY, DAMN YOU TO HELL!!!!!

(The Ric does not sign off on any anti-Uruguay rhetoric, as he has Uruguyan friends)

DANISH COCO!!!!

2010-06-16T07:03:00.000-07:00

We hit up Holland v Denmark on our way to a two-day safari and for the most part it wasn’t much of a game. The only real greatness on display was the Danish Conan O’Brien that was sitting one row below and a few seats over. We kept chanting CONAN OOOOO’Brien like they did on his show, but no response. Every time we looked over, we couldn’t help but laugh as Danish Coco was flailing with the same mannerisms of his more famous American counterpart.

The safari was awesome as we came across what you’d expect to see on Safari and froze our asses off while doing it. I haven’t been that cold since punching beef slabs in the meat locker while training for my last fight. Of note was the stare down one of the lions gave the Goose. Needless to say the lioness was the victor. Goose was actually intimidated to stop taking pictures. In his defense, she did stare at him for a prolonged period of time. It was reminiscent of the way an ex-girlfriend stares at you when she sees you with someone else. Not pretty. We were one bad move from ending up on “When Animals Attack.”

We are catching our collective breath and having a drink before heading off for the South Africa vs. Uruguay game where we hope we can get the great California Bear hung up and viewed across the world. It’s not looking good as we’re sitting in row Z of our particular level. The Lakers contingent of the Rhino Nights Nation gives a shout out to the Lake Show for pulling out game six, which we did not find out about until we got back. Our computer was slow to load up so it was the most tense few minutes of waiting for a computer to deliver results since the Chads ran amok in Florida. The Goose proclaimed shortly before the page loaded, “I think I’m going to faint.” Words not uttered by a straight male since dad found out he was having twins. Mayham was indifferent as he could care less about the Lakers or the NBA.

Lastly, we’d like to give our friends at Durban World Cup Travel a big thank you for linking up our USA vs. England post to their more than 26,000 readers. Right Nights spreading American sarcasm and wit one country at a time! We will be posting again soon, hopefully sometime tomorrow. Until then, good luck to our Uruguayan and Bafana Bafana (local for “boys.” The nickname for the South African team) fans.

Oh, and one more thing, take a look at the official Rhino of Rhino Nights who we met while on safari!

Sophie Reade - Rack of the Week

2010-06-15T11:24:00.000-07:00

The british chicks drive me bonkers... apparently, this week's ROW appeared on the UK version of Big Brother. She is also one of those Page 2 models and appears in NUTS magazine with all her naked, big boobied friends. In addition to the pic this week, enjoy a video of her shaking her money maker(s). Tits Ahoy!!

Random Hilarity - Fruity Soccer Ref

2010-06-14T10:43:00.000-07:00

Ahh soccer, a real man's game.

USA vs England

2010-06-13T06:35:00.000-07:00

What an experience to watch the National team at a World Cup game. Both fan bases were very charged up for the game with the English being confident to the point of arrogant. U.S. supporters were cautiously confident that their boys would put on a good showing.

The game got off to a bad start with the early English goal which was a stomach punch to the U.S. fans. Just barely less powerful than walking in on your girlfriend making out with someone else. Needless to say it was not good times. We got some good looks and finally took the gift from the English keeper who let the ball go by him like the Phoenix Suns playing defense. A desperate 38-year-old baby crazed cougar couldn’t have done a better job of letting us slip one by the keeper.

The second half was mostly nerves and constant clock watching as we were hoping the game would draw to a close and we could get out of there with a tie. English striker Wayne Rooney kept coming after us like he was a mob enforcer collecting on a delinquent debt. All of us kept sighing relief every time a ball got cleared. Fortunately, we got the draw and got a point.

After the game, the U.S. side came over and a couple of the California players spotted our flag, pointed and gave us a clap and a smile. After the game we took our flag and paraded all the way out the gate while being stopped a half dozen times by other Californians to celebrate and take some pictures. Even some international fans greeted our soccer playing bear with thumbs up and broken English compliments to our flag which was easily the biggest flag we saw that wasn’t bearing St. George’s cross. It was a good feeling to get so much love for Cali. We’re planning on hanging it up from the second deck at the next game we’ll be at, which is Denmark/Holland on Monday.

Of note was the cluster f**k that was the South African planning. We did a park and ride and after the game it took us two hours to get back to the car. It was a complete disaster on par with Newman’s attempt to set up a millennium party a year to late, British Petroleum’s attempt to clean up the oil spill or Paula Abdul on any televised event. The English and Americans quickly mended fences and turned on our host country whose police and “volunteers” were as useless as a condom at Comic-Con. All they did was tell us to ask the next person and the police took no control over a crowd that was tired, and on the English side, very irritated. All we kept telling ourselves is that the U.S. got a critical point and that this situation was to be tolerated. In hindsight and after much thought, I’ve come to the conclusion that Gilligan had an easier time of getting off the island than we did of leaving the stadium.

After a crazy drive of two hours through shady South African streets, the Goose, in a top notch display of driving, got us home safely. It was the only drive where I can remember that everyone in the car was equally focused as the driver and making sure we didn’t hit a cow or get held up at gun point. I’d rather drive through Compton at night on a moped than make that drive again.

All said it was a long day that resulted with us sleeping in until 1:30 p.m. None-the-less we are up and ready to get to the Pretoria fan park to spread more U.S. love, shake some hands, kiss some babies, drink some beer and watch more soccer. Wish all of our friends and readers could be here. It really is a great experience and it was with a lot of pride that we represented for California and the United States.

Tomorrow we will be heading to the Denmark/Holland game. Then it's off on a two day Safari, so no updates for a few days. Peace out!

Look for the Flag

2010-06-11T23:26:00.000-07:00

Good morning from South Africa! Today is the big day as we will be going to the USA/England game tonight. We will be taking with us the huge flag pictured above, so be on the lookout as you watch the game on TV. We'll be sitting behind one of the goals on the lower level. This flag will be with us at all nine games we will be attending in person. Here's a list of those games:

USA vs. Englad
Denmark vs. Holland
Uruguay vs. South Africa
USA vs. Slovenia
Argentina vs. South Korea
Cameroon vs. Denmark
Brazil vs. Ivory Coast
Span vs. Honduras
USA vs. Algeria

Look for an update after the big USA/England game!

Greetings from South Africa!

2010-06-11T05:55:00.000-07:00

We just arrived in South Africa after a seemingly endless trek across three continents and 11,000 miles. The trip started with the obligatory delay at check in and security screening that had me a bit nervous since I’ve never been late to anything ever (I was even born prematurely, which was a mistake because I spent a week in an incubator).

We boarded Air France to Paris and we chased the sun East, across the country and up north through Iceland at which point it set on the horizon for about 2 minutes and then started to rise! We saw sunset and sunrise within minutes and went 30 hours of the trip without seeing the night sky.

We then moved on to Lisbon which is where things nearly turned ugly. As some of you may remember, we had issues with the flight reservation from Lisbon to South Africa which ended up with me, an Indian and a Frenchman sorting it out on the phone for an hour before I was told I was on the same “cancelled” flight. Once in Lisbon, wouldn’t you know it, but two out of three of us weren’t on the flight list to S.A. Talk about a dejection! Expedia had screwed half a dozen of us Americans and we weren’t sure we were going to make the flight.

I’ve never had a baby, but I almost had a cow waiting to see if we were going to be put on the same flight. After I suffered from a cold flop sweat circa an 8th grade gym dance, we luckily got the tickets and breathed a sigh of relief not seen since Jerry Springer told me I wasn’t the father. We boarded for the last leg of the trip to Johannesburg!

Our flight there was like a Noah’s Ark of Futbol fans. We had Greeks, British, Brazilians, Germans, Portuguese, Mexicans and Americans on the flight, all tired, anxious and ready to stop breathing recycled air which produced a Witch’s cauldron of international B.O. Finally, after leaving Hollywood at 12:30 p.m. on Wednesday we arrived in Jo’Burg at 5:30 a.m. Friday morning. The first thing we heard upon leaving the terminal was the loud notorious blare of the African soccer horns known as the Vuvuzelas, which are GOD AWFUL, especially after you’ve been awake for two days. We’ve been here for an hour and its already irritating. On the upside, the people have been very nice and the atmosphere is party-like. Even the Customs official who thought Mayham’s bleary eyes denoted possible drug use and sent him to a “special” line was super friendly.

So that’s the story of our arrival. Look for more posts in the coming days as the first game is only a few hours away. GO USA!!!!

Motivational Malarky

2010-06-09T10:01:00.001-07:00

Rhino Nights is going to South Africa!

2010-06-08T13:48:00.000-07:00

Members of the Rhino Nights crew are heading to South Africa for the World Cup! Mayham and The Ric will be posting updates for us as they experience the World Cup first hand (assuming they are sober enough to do so). Double Down is sitting this one out - he can share his thoughts on soccer with you all at a later point in time. For now we want to keep things positive and get ready to cheer on the USA against England. Look for a post from Mayham and The Ric after the game. Who knows, maybe Goose will finally post something!

All Growns Up

2010-06-08T07:46:00.000-07:00

Let's journey back ... to the year 2000. Mayham and Doubledown are in their respective dorm rooms in different parts of the country, enjoying a fabulous motion picture titled Remember the Titans. Starring Denzel Washington, Titans also featured the cutest little, quick witted, football loving blondie. Well perverts, the time has finally come.... Hayden Panettiere is all growns up! Starring in Heroes and lots of crappy movies, Panettiere has her choice of Hollywood heart throbs.... she probably dates Zac Efron or one of those Twilight queers, right? Nope, she of course dates Russian boxer Vitali Klitschko????!!!! WTF! Oh well, try not to snap her in two Vitali. Now get back to work, you lazy jaggoffs.

Liz Parada - Rack of the Week

2010-06-07T10:32:00.000-07:00

You've probably never heard of Liz Parada before, neither did we until recently. She's a contestant from the ABC reality show "True Beauty". Who cares? I agree, but you can't deny her "qualifications" for winning this week's ROW award.

RHINO NIGHTS 100TH POST!

2010-06-03T16:05:00.000-07:00

This is our 100th post! We aren't sure if that really means anything but hooray anways! (and enjoy Eva)

Motivational Malarky

2010-06-02T09:15:00.000-07:00

Alice Goodwin - Rack of the Week

2010-06-01T14:24:00.000-07:00

What in the hell is in the water across the pond in England? Every model I see from the UK has bazooms the size of my head. Please send your magical boob enlarging potion to the states, I am tired of seeing silicone!! This week's ROW champ is none other than Alice Goodwin, who appears in the British smut magazines on a weekly basis. Tally Ho.

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Random Hilarity - TV Host Can't Stop Laughing

2010-05-27T09:34:00.000-07:00

This is a classic video of a Dutch TV show host who can not stop laughing, even though the subject matter is very serious. Hilarious....enjoy!

The Real Hangover - True Vegas Tales

2010-05-26T11:38:00.000-07:00

From 2005 to late 2008, my friends and I only considered one place for vacations.... Las Vegas. Being young, unfettered and fairly naive, we would make the San Diego to Vegas trip on average of every two months. Over this time, we encountered countless adventures, celebrity encounters, hot streaks (lots of cold streaks) and booze-fueled hazes that have led us to write a series of retroactive diary entries titled, The Real Hangover - True Vegas Tales. I hope you enjoy a look back at the formidable years of our development into the fools we are today.

Back in February I wrote a lil something for the blog concerning tips for drinking in Las Vegas. I didn’t just grab these tips out of thin air; I learned them the hard way. Nights in Vegas can be memorable for a lot of reasons, both good and bad. The story I’m about to tell is memorable (from what little I can remember) for all of the wrong reasons...

“It feels like Christmas!” – Those were the first words to come out of my mouth upon waking up on a Saturday morning in a room at the MGM. Quite a weird thing to say considering the night before I got tossed from a club, threw up in a diner, got lost on the hotel floor I was staying on and quite possibly was the drunkest I’ve ever been in my entire life.

So let’s go back to that night of drunken error. I was in town with a bunch of buddies from work and as you can guess, we did what we always do, drank heavily, gambled - nothing out of the ordinary for us. As the evening progressed a couple of my pals (Double Down and the Big Dawg) and myself decided to head over to the Palms to hit up the Ghost Bar, a place we were quite fond of at the time, can’t beat the view.

This is where things took quite the turn for me. When I drink I’m usually the happy drunk that loves everyone. Well on this particular night, something was a little off. After a drink or two up at the Ghost Bar I got into an adventurous mode. I wanted to see what was going on in every nook and cranny of the joint. I was all over the place when eventually I stumbled into….the kitchen. As you can imagine this is not a welcome place for club goers. I remember standing in the middle of the kitchen just staring off into a wall when a worker came in. He looked at me perplexed and said, “Hey, you can’t be in here.” I then replied, “It’s alright; I used to work at Country Club Restaurant. I’m just checking out the setup.” While it’s true I did used to work at a country club, at this point I still had the sense to realize I should probably get the hell out of the kitchen before someone of authority caught wind.

The rest of my time at the bar is a blur. What I’ve been told is I ended up at some sort of VIP table bothering random people with stories of how I was a big shot Hollywood producer. These patrons asked me to stop bothering them several times and I wouldn’t budge. Eventually the Big Dawg came over along with a security guard who suggested it was time for me to leave. Probably a good call on the clubs part.

BD and I departed the Palms and got into a cab heading back for the MGM. Double Down was still at the bar having a good time I would guess, unaware that I had been thrown out. Anyways, we arrived at the MGM. BD got out of the cab and started heading for the doors, assuming I would pay and get out. This proved to be a false assumption on his part as he later told me I was just sitting in the back seat, clueless to my surroundings. He had to come back to get me out of the cab.

We eventually made it into the MGM and decide to grab a bite at a diner. At this point the tremendous amount of alcohol in my system took a turn for the worse and I spit up/threw up on to my plate, thus ruining the breakfast I had ordered. Not surprisingly, BD had had enough of my antics, I don’t blame him.

So the time came for me to head back up to the room and pass out. I somehow managed to get back to my floor; however, the MGM is so huge each floor has four hallways you can go down. I had no clue which hall our room was in. Luckily another buddy of mine was out and about and collected me. The night was done. (I did throw up one more time, using a pair of jeans as my receptacle to throw up into). When I woke up that morning at the MGM, it indeed felt like Christmas.

Since that night I’ve been to Vegas many a time and have never come close to that level of absurd drunkenness. However I don’t look back at it negatively, I look at it as just one of many memorable nights I’ve had in Sin City.

Click here to check out all of our Vegas related stuff!

Motivational Malarky

2010-05-25T08:08:00.001-07:00

Rack of the Week - Jenn Sterger

2010-05-24T10:12:00.000-07:00

Jenn Sterger gained popularity when Brent Musburger picked her out of the crowd at a Florida State home game and she became known as one of the Florida State Cowgirls. Since then she's been in Playboy, Maxim and has worked as a columnist and host for SportsIllustrated.com, the New York Jets and ABC Sports. She currently works as a host on the Versus show "The Daily Line".

Using her god given "talents" and by knowing a good surgeon, Jenn has turned her sideline whore routine into an actual career. Take that talented ugly girls! We kid, we kid - we think she does a bang up job on her latest gig which is why she has been honored with the coveted ROW award.

Cleveland - You Think It Matters BUT It Doesn’t

2010-05-21T08:08:00.000-07:00

Every year Esquire Magazine prints a segment entitled “What I’ve Learned”, where various celebrities talk about what they have learned. It’s there that I got the best advice about women that I’ve ever received. I’d like to throw this advice out to the city of Cleveland. Pay attention, this is going to hurt but it’s for your own good. It came courtesy of an unknown source and was given to pop culture guru and author Chuck Klosterman.

Mr. Klosterman had told this hippie type surfer stoner (his description) that he had bought his ex-girlfriend two dozen roses for her birthday. He figured that her new boyfriend would only get her one dozen roses. He asked the surfer stoner what he thought of this and the reply was, “You think it matters but it doesn’t.” Essentially Mr. Klosterman was told that if she liked him she would find the gesture endearing and if she didn’t like him she would think that he was trying to make her new boyfriend look bad. If she did like him and he didn’t send flowers then she would find his indifference appealing and if she didn’t like him the fact he didn’t send flowers would only confirm what she already suspected, that they weren’t right for each other. The guy finished by telling Mr. Klosterman, “Do something or do nothing, you think it matters but it doesn’t.” Direct, concise, irrefutable.

Cleveland, you think it matters what you do but it doesn’t. Mr. James is going to go where he wants to, where he thinks he can win a championship. Cleveland has a coach in Mike Brown who couldn’t coach a baby to use a diaper. He makes terrible decisions on par with betting against a Sicilian when death is on the line and getting into a land war in Asia. He’s like the girl who has the looks, the brains and can’t do a thing with it. Maybe worse, he’s like a girl with all that who does too much with it and it doesn’t work, think Heidi Montag. This is the man that’s supposed to take James to the promise land? No, I don’t think so.

Then you have his teammates. These guys are great wingmen if you’re talking to girls at 2:00 a.m. and everyone’s been drinking, (i.e. the regular season) but they can’t do a thing at a party full of models (the playoffs). LBJ was taking on the rest of the opposition on his own; it wore him down and started doing dumb things. Think hitting on one girl in front of another girl you just hit on; you know, stuff you couldn’t get away with at a models party and would only think to do if you were drunk and desperate.

Then you have the city itself, like the guy who ended up with the hot chick and was able to bring his A game for a while until she finally realized she was out of his league. Now he’s buying flowers, expensive gifts, recording songs (Cleveland celebs recorded a track to “We Are the World” encouraging LBJ to stay). I’m waiting for the mayor to send him a mixed tape, I’m pretty sure he should include “You’ve Lost that Loving Feeling” at the end.

What can you do to keep someone from leaving? $30 million doesn’t hurt. Then again you’re not the only geek with deep pockets. What I’m saying Cleveland is try to keep some dignity. There is no shame in shedding a tear when he leaves but don’t run after the car screaming, “Come back!!” You got to tell yourself that maybe he’ll realize that the devil you know is better than the devil you don’t. Then again like Chris Rock famously said, “A man is only as faithful as his options.” Sure you can try to spruce up Cleveland a little. Perhaps you can name a street after the guy, how about “Lebron’s Way” or “THE LBJ Parkway”. Are you really married to “Cuyahoga” as a name of the river that runs through those parts? How about the Jamazon? Fitting I think.

In any event, try what you will, you can’t erase seven years of losing. Seven years of almost but not good enough. You’re just coming off a great date and you’ve invited Lebron upstairs for a cup of coffee. He’s about to tell you he has to work early tomorrow and he’s going to pass. In a month or two you’ll hear he’s with someone else, you’ll wonder what you did wrong. Tell yourself you thought you did everything right and wonder what else you could have done. I’m going to save you the trouble, there is nothing you can do. You think it matters but it doesn’t.

All Growns Up

2010-05-19T08:19:00.000-07:00

WHAT ARE YOU STARING AT BROTHER???!! I'm sure this outfit is not Hulkster approved, but former jail bait reality and (music??) star Brooke Hogan has GROWN before our eyes. Now 22, Brookey can be oggled without fear of 24-inch pythons or the big leg drop. In the words of Kramer, "She's a full figured gal!" We here at RN welcome that. Party On.

Motivational Malarky

2010-05-18T14:22:00.000-07:00

Hope Dworaczyk - Rack of the Week

2010-05-17T10:29:00.000-07:00

We figure Hef knows what he is doing, so this week's choice for the R.O.W was simple. Ladies and germs, your 2010 Playmate of the Year ..... Hope Dworaczyk (pronounced "Dose R Huge"). Turns out she dates Jason Kidd, who also received an award this week from Rhino Nights. That award is simply "Ugliest Dude to Ever Nail a PMOY". Congrats Jason, you deserve it! Party On.

Click here to see Racks from the Past!

Kristin Chenoweth - Hot or Not?

2010-05-14T08:21:00.000-07:00

Yesterday we honored Katie Perry who is indisputably hot in our opinion. Today, we ask you to weigh in on whether singer, musical theatre, film and television actress, Kristin Chenoweth, is hot or not. Let us know your thoughts by posting your comments below!

Click here to give your thoughts on previous hot or nots!

Congratulations Katy Perry!!

2010-05-13T14:34:00.000-07:00

Rhino Night's favorite buxom pop star has been selected as the sexiest woman in the world on the Maxim Hot 100 list. The word going around the internet is that it was her selection as our Rack of the Week that pushed the voters over the top! Who new two idiots with a blog had so much power??? Congrats Katy, i'll be over in 10 minutes for my 2:45 motorboatin.....boom!

First Pitch Failure - Shawn Johnson Edition

2010-05-12T09:19:00.000-07:00

First off, every American should know how to throw a baseball. Second, if you know you are going to throw the ceremonial first pitch before a ballgame you should probably practice a few times leading up to the big game. Regardless, every year we are blessed with some truly awful first tosses. The latest blunder comes from Olympian Shawn Johnson who ended up rolling the first pitch out. Of coarse our favorite worst first pitch of all time was brought to us by Baba Booey...

Moving forward we would like to propose that any American who royally screws up a first pitch, and we mean laughable tosses like the two above, should have their citizenship revoked for one year.

Motivational Malarky

2010-05-11T08:39:00.000-07:00

Kids, don't be like this.. i'm not sure how it became popular, but please stop now. That is all.